


Love Carries On

by B_R_Storm



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ADHD!Roman, Angst, Autistic!Patton, Creativitwins, DID!Deceit, Disabilities, Fluff, Multi, Poly Relationship, Sanders Sides - Freeform, TSsanders sides, blind!logan, deaf!virgil, did, disabilityau, dlamp - Freeform, mentions of abuse, multi-chapter, service dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 42,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23077180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_R_Storm/pseuds/B_R_Storm
Summary: Roman, Diego, Patton, Virgil and Logan met over the internet, plus several times in real life. Now, a year later, they live together on Roman's ranch. Except, life's a little difficult for them; Virgil's deaf, Roman's and hard of hearing and has ADHD, Logan's blind, Patton's autistic and Diego has DID. Despite their struggles, their love bonds them together. Follow the story as each of them battle through their own personal demons and come out stronger on the other side.
Relationships: DLAMP
Comments: 122
Kudos: 175





	1. Breakfast Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try to always tag any trigger warnings that'll be found within this fic by chapter. I never want to accidentally trigger someone whilst they're reading something.  
> This chapter's triggers include: Mentions of Blood

Patton woke up to the smell of something good cooking, in his grogginess it took him a moment to connect the dots, but once he did; he pulled a face. His boyfriend, Roman, was cooking breakfast. It smelled like bacon, and even though the smell was pretty nice, he didn’t like the texture, so he wrinkled his nose, shifting into a sitting position. The  
movement awoke Diego, one of Patton’s other boyfriends, who sat up and pouted at him.  
“Where going Pat?”  
“Just seeing what Ro is making for breakfast Dorry.” Based on the way he was talking, Diego had woken up as one of his alters, and probably one of the littles, since he didn’t call Patton padre, he assumed it was probably Dorry. 

“I go with.” He wiggled out from under the blankets, grabbing his favorite blanket from the end of the bed. 

Patton smiled at him, reaching out and taking Dorian’s hand with a smile. “C’mon ma cherie, let’s go see what RoRo is making and then we’ll get you dressed for the day.” 

He laughed, a small sound coming from such a big man. “I wanna wear my duckie.” 

Patton’s brow furrowed suddenly. “Cherie, I don’t know if it’s clean or not, I’ll ask Logie when I see him okay.” 

As if on cue, Logan came stumbling in, the door being pushed open slowly as he tried to navigate the house with the basket in hand. His head swung back and forth, his light blue eyes slightly unfocused as he tried to situate himself so that he could see. Patton pulled Dorry out of the way so that he could set the basket down. 

“Is Dorian’s onesie in there?” 

Logan turned to him as he struggled to put the basket down. “Yes, washed, dried and folded.” He frowned slightly. “I advise you to be more careful next time you go out to play.” But there was no real disapproval in his tone. 

Patton made sure the basket was secured. “Thanks Lo,” he leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. He pulled out the onesie. “Let’s go to breakfast now, okay cherie.” 

Dorian linked pinkies with Patton, even as Patton placed a guiding hand on Logan’s wrist. He didn’t want it to seem like he was trying to help him, because Logan doesn’t like to be helped, but he hated to see Logan littered with bruises from tumbling into various furniture and walls. 

They made their way towards the breakfast nook, and as they entered the kitchen, they found Virgil and Roman arguing in the kitchen. No words were exchanged, but hand gestures flew and body language changed. The little bit of sign Patton could understand led him to believe that they weren't really fighting, and the smiles on their faces furthered that theory. 

Patton got Dorian settled into his seat, and made sure that Logan was seated too so he couldn’t get hurt before he turned to talk to his other two boyfriends. 

“Breakfast almost done?” He eyed the stack of pancakes hopefully, that was one texture that he actually liked, that Roman was exceptionally good at making. 

“Yes, except Virgil here thinks I should make french toast.” He spoke slowly and loudly, partially because he couldn’t hear himself but also so that Virgil, who was reading his lips, could understand what was being said. 

Virgil signed something back, much too quick for Patton to be able to understand, but Roman seemed to catch it. “Don’t you take that tone with me.” 

“What’s he saying?” Patton asked hesitantly. 

“He told me I had to make french toast. He didn’t ask me, he told me to do it.” 

Patton laughed as Virgil stuck his tongue out and Roman signed something very quickly. “I told him to make it himself.” He translated for Patton as soon as he was done. 

Virgil signed back, mostly some playful swear words, but grabbed the platter of sausage and bacon to carry out to the table. Roman smiled softly as he watched him walk away, Patton was happy to see one of the few emotions he could understand in his eyes. 

Roman shut off the stove and griddle, grabbing the plate of pancakes as he made his way out of the kitchen to the little nook over towards the back. “Breakfast is served.” He practically bellowed, but Logan was the only one who flinched. His sensitive hearing made it difficult for him to listen to Roman for too long. 

Dorian furrowed his brow at the presentation of the pancakes, his eyes closing for a moment, he didn’t say anything for a long while, and Patton was just about to nudge him to see if he was okay, when he opened his eyes again and smiled at them all, it was clear it wasn’t Dorrian anymore. Diego looked around at them all with a frown. He let go of the blanket he was holding, a severe blush taking over his face. 

“Would you like some pancakes love?” Logan asked, he couldn’t see the embarrassment, but the drop of the blanket and the sudden silence at the table told him that Diego had returned. 

“Yes please.” He tried to push past the embarrassment.  
Logan swung his head towards where he had heard Roman set it down. His long fingers skittered across the plate and he found the spatula with little trouble. He held out his hand and Diego handed him his plate gently. He took the plate, and settled a pancake on it. He set the plate down long enough to reach up and readjust his glasses. His glasses didn’t really do much, but it was habit for him to put them on and they helped what little bit that he could see. 

Diego took the plate as soon as Logan set it down, handing it off to Patton to settle some sausage on it. Patton put the bacon and sausage on Diego’s plate putting it on his own plate as well. He didn’t like sausage, the texture upset him a lot but Roman had cooked it and his mother had taught him to appreciate nice things that were done for him. 

He ate his breakfast with a downturned face, he didn’t want to pull a face or cry or anything and caused everyone at the table to be concerned, and heaven forbid he upset Roman because Roman had worked so hard on breakfast and he shouldn’t feel like he did something wrong. 

Maybe Roman was just good at reading people because he reached across the table and placed a gentle hand on his wrist. “You don’t have to eat it.” He was being as quiet as Roman could be. 

Patton smiled a relieved smile, digging into his pancakes. It was just a few simple words, but hearing Roman confirm to him that he didn’t have to eat it was like a breath of fresh air. It’s only just this time though. His mind warned him, using the nasty little tone it did to make sure Patton knew exactly what he was or wasn’t allowed to do. He still felt bad, knowing that he’d only get to be out of it one day but at least he got out of it for now. 

He finished eating, and was standing up to go put his plate away when disaster struck. Hearing someone stand up, Logan had attempted to get up as well and take his plate. Except he must’ve misjudged the location of the table because he didn't scoot out quite far enough. He ended up stumbling over the table leg, plate in hand and tumbling to the floor. There was a crunch as he landed on his plate, and Patton and Diego immediately rushed to his help. 

Diego lifted him up and pulled him out of the way, but at the sight of blood, he stumbled back, his gaze going unfocused. Patton knew he was experiencing a switch so turning to Virgil, who was watching the scene confusedly, he quickly did the sign for help, hoping that Virgil would understand his poor signing abilities well enough to help. 

Thankfully, Virgil quickly moved to his assistance, helping him to pull Logan out of the way, and then as soon as he had made sure there wasn’t anything serious going on, squatted next to Diego to make sure he was okay. Logan had a cut across his palm and a few on his arm from hitting the ground and the plate breaking, but nothing too serious. And Roman was quickly next to them with a small wrap of bandages and the broom in his other hand. 

Patton took the broom from him, and Roman helped to wrap Logan’s bandages. “Are you okay?” 

Logan once again flinched at his volume but responded as best he could. “A little shaken, but otherwise I am fine.” He frowned. “Is Diego okay?” He turned his head towards his other partners in hopes one of them could give him an answer.  
“It seems he’s trying to switch but I’m not sure who he’s trying to switch to.” Roman replied, reading Virgil’s signs. 

“Roman, can you go get a washcloth?” He waited for a response, and when none came, repeated himself louder, realizing he must’ve spoken too softly for him to hear. 

“Of course, let me get this cleaned up. Take Logan and D into the living room will you?” Patton nodded, helping Logan to his feet and offering Virgil the sign for Living room. He didn’t know enough to translate exactly what Roman had said but he was trying. 

Virgil helped to half carry Logan into the living room, going back into the nook to help Diego. Diego was kneeling on the ground half swaying as he muttered to himself, an argument seeming to break out between two alters. Virgil wasn’t sure what he could do, all he could see was Diego’s face contorting and his lips moving slowly. He wasn’t sure what he could do, so he slung his arm around Diego’s waist and pulled him up, Diego rested all of his weight on Virgil, who basically carried him into the living room. By the time he had him situated in the living room, he had blinked open his eyes and looked around. Patton was preoccupied with Logan so Virgil did what he could. 

_Baby?_ He signed carefully, giving whoever was in charge right now time to read. Diego and Virgil were the first two that had started dating, and as such, they had developed a system for Virgil to understand who was who. 

_No._ He signed back, blinking his honey colored eyes softly. 

So it wasn’t Dorian then. _Lovely?_ He tried.

_No._ He pouted at him, he didn’t understand what any of these signs meant, but he was looking for the familiar one. 

_Sweetheart?_ If it wasn’t lovely then it wasn’t Damien. 

His face split into a smile, and he signed yes several times over. 

_DD?_ He fingerspelled as a question, wanting to make sure he had it right. 

He signed yes again, imitating the motion of knocking. Virgil smiled at him, and got up, moving to flip on the TV for DD. 

DD seemed overjoyed at the prospect of having the TV on and settled in front of it in excitement. Roman entered the room not long after, signed at Virgil to see what he’d missed. Roman could hear, and he could speak too but it was much more comforting to sign to someone because then he knew he wasn’t going to miss anything. 

_It’s DD who’s in charge right now, just so you know._ Virgil signed as a warning, DD didn’t always like Roman, he was a little too loud for his taste. 

_Thank you_ he signed back, before going to settle himself on the couch next to Patton and Logan. “Everything okay?” He asked, wincing as he saw Logan jump. 

“Yes. I’m okay anyway.” Logan squeezed Patton’s hand. 

“I just need a moment.” He said squeezing Logan’s hand in response. “I was scared for you.” 

“I know you were love, but I’m okay.” He frowned. “I should’ve been more careful and known where the table was, that was foolish of me.” Patton opened his mouth to argue, but Logan wouldn’t hear it. “No, no, no, love, I should’ve paid better attention, what if I had harmed one of you guys when I fell? It’s bad enough that I triggered D.” He seemed to be berating himself more than he was arguing with any of them. 

Roman threw his arms around him, and tried to not be so loud as he said, “No Logie, its not your fault, we should really move stuff around- -”

“Absolutely not.” His tone was clipped. “I am not going to make you all struggle to move things around just because I’m not smart enough to remember where everything is.” 

“It’s not about whether you’re smart enough.” Patton urged, worrying the material of Logan’s sweater vest between his fingers. All this back and forth was stressing him out. “It’s okay to need help.” 

Logan got up suddenly, seeming distressed. “I do not need help.” He readjusted his glasses and started to walk away. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there are a few chores that need done, and Roman, don’t forget you have work today. You too Virgil.” 

Patton sighed, he hated when Roman and Virgil went to work, because it got really quiet. He didn’t mind some quiet now and again, but several hours of silence as D watched his cartoons and Logan stumbled around the house in pain, it was torture. Instead of thinking about it, Patton decided to start planning what he was going to make for lunch today. The boys would be home on their lunch hour and he wanted them to have something to eat. 

His mind ran through a few things his mother would make for lunch, but most of them had some type of meat in them, and even though the texture didn’t bother him much when it was cooked right, Virgil was a vegetarian. His mind ran through a few more dishes, before he fixated on one specific one. Ratatouille. It was the perfect season for it, and his garden should yield all of the vegetables they’d need. 

His face broke into a smile, it would be great. And he’d probably even be able to get DD (though he didn’t get much sign, the alphabet was something that made sense to him) to eat it. He got up, trusting Virgil to be able to keep an eye on him while he checked the fridge. 

They had olive oil, and a lot of herbs hanging up in the cupboard (Dorian and Virgil had started an herb garden together), all that was missing was the produce from Patton’s garden. He checked the pantry, to make sure they had flour and yeast so that he could make bread to go with it. He was so excited to be able to make something he loved for the people he loved, and started genuinely giggling in excitement. 

He went back into the living room to grab his jacket and put on his boots. “I’m going out to the garden, bring DD out with you if you have to leave so that I can watch out for him.” He directed his words at Roman, who threw a pillow at Virgil to get his attention, before relaying the message in sign. Virgil responded with a thumbs up before returning to facing the TV that he and DD were watching. 

Patton went out to his little garden by the house, opening the creaky gate with more excitement than anyone had probably ever opened a gate. He stayed to the paths that Roman had carefully helped him maintain. Squatting down next to his zucchini plants. He picked a few, shuffling on to his squash and pulling a few of them as well. There were plenty of tomatoes, so he grabbed a small basket from beside the gate and filled it with ripe tomatoes, placing the other two vegetables on top of it. He set the basket down right outside the onion patch he had.

The onions were always a little tricky for him, but using his hands, and trying to twist carefully he eventually got a few of them out. He set them in the basket, running through the mental checklist of everything he needed to make the meal. Peppers, I need bell peppers. He had to walk to the other end of his garden, but there were plenty of yellow peppers for him to choose from. He grabbed a few, before hefting the basket up into his arms and carrying it into the house. 

When he opened the door, he found Virgil and Roman shrugging on their jackets to head to work. Virgil was a psychologist for deaf and hard of hearing people and Roman worked in retail. Coats on, and prepared to go, they stopped to kiss Patton on the cheek before heading out. Patton smiled and waved them goodbye, before heading into the kitchen. 

He set the vegetables down, before heading back into the living room. He settled into his place on the couch, letting DD settle into his usual place on the floor. As soon as he sat down, Patton had a brilliant idea to go get DD’s favorite blanket so that he could watch his favorite cartoons in comfort. 

He snuck off, slipping into the bedroom. He looked around on the bed and in the closet and when he couldn't find the blanket he was looking for, he moved on to the other bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, and as he pushed it the rest of the way open; he found Logan sitting on the bed, with his face in his hands. He looked immediately at the sound of the door, wiping what looked suspiciously like tears off of his face. 

"Can I help you Patton?" 

He didn't want to push Logan, so he just left it where it was. "Do you know where DD's blanket is?" 

"I believe it's in the dryer." He frowned for a moment, like he was trying to think. "Though I am not sure." 

"I'll go check." Then, tentatively; he said, "Are you okay Logie?"

He smiled "Of course, I'm fine love. Thank you for your concern." 

Patton nodded, offering him a soft smile, so soft, that for a moment, he was almost tempted to tell him. But of course he couldn't, couldn't hurt him like that. 

Patton left him to his, okayness and went in search of DD's dog blanket.

Logan was right, the blanket was in the dryer. And by the time he found it; DD had already got up in search of him. He found him standing in the hallway with tears in his eyes. 

"You left me." He sniffled out, his lips quivering. 

"I went to get your blanket danard." He ruffled his hair, handing it to him, and immediately drying his tears. 

"Oh." He held the blanket tightly. "What does that mean?" 

"What mean?" He tried to think of what he might have said that would confuse DD. 

"The D word you called me." He furrowed his brow, like he was trying to think or something. 

"Denard? It means duck, lovely." Patton had been raised to speak both English and French but he only used french nowadays to give people pet names. 

"Oh, I like that." 

"I'm glad you do." Patton reached out to take his hand. "Let's go watch cartoons okay denard?" 

They settled down on the couch to watch TV, flipping channels at DD’s request. After running through half the channels they had and deciding that it there wasn’t anything good on, Patton flipped to Roman’s Netflix and put on Paw Patrol for him instead. 

The german shepherd (DD informed him his name was Chase) was just wrapping up another adventure when Patton’s phone buzzed. It was a text from Virgil reminding him that if he wanted to make lunch that it was almost noon. Patton was thankful for this message because he wasn’t very good at remembering things and time could be a little tricky for him. He sat up, pausing the TV. 

“Want to come with and help me cook DD?”

“Okie.” He smiled and stood up, following him into the kitchen. 

Patton set the basket on the counter, and turned on the water. “Can you wash the vegetables for me love?” 

“Yes, yes, yes.” he giggled, grabbing the zucchini and squash. 

“I don’t need you to wash all of the tomatoes canard; just a few of them.” He turned on the oven, coating a few pans with olive oil as he plugged in the blender. 

As soon as DD had finished cutting vegetables, he let him go sit at the table and play with the trucks he’d just retrieved from his toy chest. Patton cut up the zucchini and squash and put them on the pans to go in the oven, before cutting up the rest of the vegetables and throwing them in the blender. Now came his least favorite part, he didn’t like the sound the blender made; so furrowing his brow, and shaking slightly in the hands, he pressed the button to start the blender. 

The noise was just as bad as usual, and trying not to panic was causing him to shake and his vision to seem fuzzy; but soon the vegetables were pureed enough and he could turn it off and pour the sauce into a bowl. Then, he turned back to the oven and opened the door. The vegetables were nice and caramelized so he pulled them out of the oven and dumped them into the bowl with the sauce. Somehow managing to avoid incident despite his shaking body. 

He finished mixing it up just as Roman and Virgil came in the door, they stopped to put their coats on the tree and then followed the sound of people and the smell of cooking to see Patton and DD in the kitchen. 

“Do you want to go get Logie, or have V get him?” He called over his shoulder to Roman as he set down the bowl and started to grab bowls out of the cupboard. “I’ll get DD settled down.” 

He grabbed a sponge from beside the sink, and went into the dining room. “DD go put your toys away okay Denard, I need to wipe down the table and then it’s lunch time.” 

He clapped his hands at the mention of food, before going into the living room to put away his toys, coming back a few moments later to settle himself at his favorite place at the table. Virgil came back, leading Logan. Roman was carrying the stack of dishes Patton had gotten out of the cupboard. He set them down and everyone settled into their places so that Patton could serve up lunch.  
After lunch, They all sat and watched some TV together, something that they could all agree on with the captions on. Then Roman and Virgil had to return to work, thankfully though, Logan didn’t go back to the bedroom and instead stayed out there with DD and Patton to watch TV. 

Halfway through their watching, DD switched back to Diego and joined them on the couch with a sigh, sitting on the opposite end of the couch (which upset Patton a little but he wouldn’t say anything). Eventually Roman came home from work, and went into the kitchen, recruiting Logan to help him decide on ingredients and meal plans. Virgil came home not long after and joined Diego and Patton on the couch, getting them to draw in close and relax with him. 

They had meatless lasagna for dinner, and after eating they watched a little bit more TV, before eventually splitting up to head to their own rooms and get some sleep.


	2. Digging In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the rest of the chapters will be about this length. The first one was just to make sure the premise of the fic was set up. 
> 
> There shouldn't be any triggers for this chapter.

Most days were like that, a small accident happening during the day, generally in the morning, Patton making lunch and sometimes dinner (one of his special interests was cooking), Virgil and Roman heading to work and Patton and Logan watching out for the house. The only thing that changed was the appearance of Diego’s alters. In fact, a week had passed since the incident and DD hadn’t made an appearance since. (DD only fronted when Diego was put under serious stress because he was such a young alter that he didn’t understand most things enough to be affected). 

“So Logan, how blind are you actually?” Roman asked the question as soon as everyone had settled down after Patton served dinner. 

“I have a slight deficiency but nothing severe.” He readjusted his glasses before picking up a forkful of mac and cheese and navigating it to his mouth. 

“Don’t lie.” 

“I assure you I am not lying.” His brow flicked upwards slightly. 

“You are so lying!”

“No. I. am. Not. Roman.” He set his fork down, scooting back slightly. 

“Yes you are! And you know how I know that you are?”

“How?” 

“Your glasses have been broken all week and you haven’t said anything about it.” He crossed his arms, a childish smile on his face. 

Logan’s face meanwhile, slackened, and he reached up carefully to touch his glasses, running over both lenses until he found the spidering of cracks. He ran his finger along it, feeling it all over, feeling that it even reached over to the sliver of things he could still see. He cursed himself, for not noticing the slight deformity in the little he could see. He pulled his hand away from the glasses, looking down at the table. 

He couldn’t believe he’d never noticed, he couldn’t believe that the well structured lie he had built was crumbling before him, he couldn’t believe that it was Roman who had figured him out, he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t prepared himself for this, hadn’t thought that one day he wouldn’t be able to keep up the facade of being only mildly inconvenienced by his inability to see. He stood, feeling suddenly self-conscious. In his haste and and sudden surge of emotion he couldn’t quite remember where he was. It didn’t matter now; he turned away from the table; rushing towards his bedroom using the familiarity of the floorplan to make it there mostly unscathed.  
He wanted to lock the door, so that Patton wouldn’t be able to come check on him; he really didn’t want to talk about it, but it wouldn’t be fair to Virgil or Diego who he shared a room with. Instead, he opted to pull the door almost all the way closed. He didn’t need the others to see him cry, and he definitely didn’t need them to see that Roman had figured him out. He loved all four of his boyfriends, but Roman wasn’t known for his ability to notice things, whether social, or physical, Roman tended to be oblivious. 

Logan drew the blanket from the end of the bed. It was a crochet blanket that Patton had made him for Christmas one year. But the memory of getting that blanket couldn’t cheer him, instead, he drew it tightly around his shoulders and tried to calm down. He had barely settled the blanket around his shoulders when the door pushed open. Virgil, by the footsteps, he felt the bed dipped, and an icy hand on his leg. Just one, like he was reassuring him. There was the sound of typing on a phone, and it went on for a long time. Several minutes, and Logan felt slightly relieved because maybe Virgil was just checking in on him, making sure he was okay. He held on to this belief, waiting for Virgil to see that he was fine so that he’d leave. 

Then the google translate voice started. “Logan, I know you’re not okay. And you know you don’t have to lie to us about that right?” We wouldn’t think any less of you.” There was a pause, like Virgil was waiting for him to speak. 

Logan spoke slowly, so that Virgil could read his lips. “It’s not about thinking less of me.” He looked around at all the things he couldn’t see. “I don’t want you all to know how helpless I am. It’s bad enough that people think less of me, but to be pitied, in my own house.”

Virgil reached out and took his hand, moving it from his thigh to clasp his hand in reassurance. “You’re not helpless.” This time, the voice hadn’t read it, he had said it. 

His voice sort of strangled. Virgil didn’t speak often, because he couldn’t always get it to sound right. But this time, Logan understood what he was trying to say, and responded in like, trying not to let frustration fuel the rhythm he spoke in (otherwise Virge might not be able to understand him at all). 

“Yes I am.” He pushed his hair back, letting out a breath to try and calm himself. “I can’t navigate around places without help, I bump into furniture and people. I can’t even see your face, I don’t know what you look like.” His voice cracked and he reached out to touch his face softly. “Last week I tripped over the table leg and broke a plate Virge!” 

Virgil struggled to form words for a moment, making a few half thought out noises before sighing and reaching for his phone, the click-click of keys being typed made him feel anxious. 

“Yeah, and I can’t hear when someone speaks to me, and Diego isn’t always Diego and Patton can’t handle the texture of a lot of food and Roman is loud and can’t focus sometimes. We all have problems Lo. But that doesn’t make you helpless, it just means you need more help than some.” There was a pause as he wrote a few more words. “Maybe you should get a service dog, to help you. And Roman and I can move the furniture so that it’s easier for you to get around.” 

"We're not getting a dog. We don’t have the facilities to take care of a dog, and more importantly, I don’t need one.” He heard Virgil sigh, and knew full well that he’d have to let him win on one thing. “But I suppose that if you and Roman wish to, so long as you don’t hurt yourselves, I would appreciate the extra space to move through the house.” 

Virgil squeezed his hand in what he assumed was excitement, and there was a quick burst of typing, before the automated voice spoke again, “We can do tomorrow since we’re both off work for the weekend.” 

There was a silence, several minutes of it that stretched on, before another quick burst of clacking. “Do you feel better now?” 

“Yes, thank you Virge.” There was a pause. “I love you, now I think we’ve been gone from the table for too long.” He stood up, and to show that he would try to accept help more, he said, “Will you guide me? So that I don’t bump into anything.”

In response, Virgil took his hand, pulling him towards the door gently. He led him back to the dining room, and Logan had to admit that it felt nice to not bump into sharp corners and furniture the entire time. Virgil helped him settle back into his spot, before walking back around to his side of the table and signing to Roman the short version of the story. _It’s handled now, tomorrow you and I have to move furniture so that we have more space for him to move. I’m gonna keep trying to convince him to get a dog, but for right now, it’s not working out._

Roman nodded in response, and Patton waited to be filled in. He had understood a few signs in that statement _, move, space, dog._ That was all, and he felt excitement. Had Virgil convinced Logan to get a seeing eye dog? He bounced in excitement, smiling at Logan despite the fact that he couldn’t see it. 

After all the excitement at dinner, they all felt like it would be best to wind down with a movie. Which led to an argument about which movie to watch, Roman and Diego wanted to watch a disney movie, though Diego warned that a disney movie would probably cause Dallas to front or at least co-con, Logan said that there was a new science fiction movie he wanted to watch, and Patton and Virgil were stuck in the middle. In the end, with much grumbling from Roman, they agreed to watch Logan’s movie. 

Patton made sure the volume was set so that both Logan could enjoy the movie and Roman could hear it, and let Virgil mess around with the closed captions settings while he made popcorn. He came back in just as the movie started, snuggling in next to Logan and Roman as the movie began. Fifteen minutes in and his mind started to drift, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to picture the kind of dog that Logan would get. 

_Logan would like a very smart dog, and he’d probably want it to be energetic too, because he’d want us to love them with all our hearts. Maybe a german shepard, or a Collie. Or maybe even a golden retriever. We could train it to be a family dog too, so that kids could come up and pet them in public. They’d know all sorts of games they could play with D and I. Maybe then Logan could get a job like he wanted. Oh I bet he’ll get a german shepard because it looks sleek and elegant and smart like him._ He smiled to himself. All this warmth and nice thoughts and general good feelings of the room made him start to feel tired. He cuddled into Roman, nestling into the side of his neck as he reached out to grab Logan’s sweater. It was a habit of his; to grab soft items near him, and Logan always wore soft sweaters over his button up and tie. 

He stopped to ponder on that thought, why Logan always wore a tie, and dressed so nicely for the fact that his main job was making sure the rest of them did their jobs. Occasionally, he still did interviews for jobs, but not so much lately. It was almost like he was giving up. Patton didn’t get very far into that thought process before he fell asleep, clinging to Logan’s sweater but nestled into Roman. 

By the time the movie finished, Patton was deeply asleep and Diego was nearing the same. All of them were a little bit tired, even Virgil (who has insomnia). Roman insisted on carrying Patton back to their room, so the other three were left to clean up the bowl of popcorn really quick and then go to their own rooms. Diego decided that tonight he wanted to sleep in Virgil and Logan’s room, (they had separate rooms because the sound of Logan’s snoring upset Patton and he couldn’t sleep) so he followed them in, snuggling up against them as he fell asleep.


	3. Things Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: mentions of dissociating and a car accident

The next morning, Roman and Virgil were up bright and early in hopes of being able to rearrange all of the furniture before Logan awoke. It was a lot to do, because of Patton’s love for collecting weird pieces, and all of the old furniture from Roman’s parents (who the house had belonged to originally), there was a lot more in the house than there would’ve been otherwise. It was first a task of clearing out all of the furniture they wouldn’t need and moving it to the basement. After the hour of moving stuff down the stairs and arranging it so that Logan would be able to move around down there should the need arise. 

The next task was to make sure that all of the furniture that was left was spaced out enough for Logan to move around and not hurt himself while also maintaining the nice aesthetic that Roman cared so much about. In the end, the room looked a little bit open and sort of airy, but Roman liked it. Logan was just exiting his bedroom as Virgil and Roman finished moving the final piece of furniture into place. He heard the sounds of laboring breathing and the moving of furniture and his face split into a hesitant grin. 

“Thank you.” He said loudly, so that Roman could hear him, offering up the sign equivalent to Virgil, hoping that he remembered correctly. 

“You betcha hun. Virgil says you’re welcome.” Roman huffed out, helping to set down the couch. He sighed with relief as soon as he let it go. “All of the furniture is moved, you want to try walking around so that we know if anything needs to be moved?” 

Logan nodded at the suggestion, starting to walk. There were a few adjustments that had to be made, the table in the breakfast nook was too close to the wall, and a few of the side tables were set too far from the couch to be usable. Another issue was with the proximity of the chairs to the couch, but with a little bit of readjustments, everything was perfect.

Logan didn’t expect to be so genuinely happy to be able to move around the house, but he was. It was like they had removed a weight from his shoulders, two of his amazing, doting and loving boyfriends had just spent hours moving furniture just for him. He reached out, placing a hand on what felt like Roman’s shoulder. He turned towards him, and without any hesitation, Logan kissed him on the lips. It was a quick peck really, just a brief few seconds where their lips touched. His hours of tracing his face (and all of his boyfriend’s faces really) had helped him memorize what it looked like, and having it described to him helped him know what colors he should see, forming a perfect picture in his mind. He gave Virgil the same treatment, pecking him on the lips in thanks, a childishly happy smile on his face. 

They hung out on the couch for a little while, each of them doing their own thing. Logan was reveling in the feeling of this happiness, while both Roman and Virigl were on their phones. It made them both happy to see Logan so happy, but where Logan found it to be the most extraordinary and loving thing anyone had ever done for him, they saw it as just a nice thing to do for their love. He deserved to be able to move around the house freely and happily. 

When Patton woke up, Diego following him, there was a look of confusion and distraughtness on Patton’s face. He looked around the suddenly sparser house, and shot Roman a panicked look. Everything’s different. How am I supposed to find anything now? They got rid of a whole bunch of my things. Do they hate me now? Did I do something wrong? “Ro can I talk to you for a sec.” He didn’t realize he was being loud until he saw Logan flinch. 

“Yeah of course.” Roman got up, signing quickly to Virgil, who decided to come along and stepped into the kitchen with Patton. “What’s up cookie?” 

“What happened to everything? Why is it all different? I won’t be able to find anything? Where’d all my stuff go? Are you kicking me out? Do you not love me anymore?” his eyes were wide with panic and he looked around for an explanation. 

“Of course we still love you, we love you so so so much buttercup.” He reached out and touched him gently on the shoulder. “We wanted Logie to be able to move around everywhere in the house without getting hurt, so we moved some stuff. I promise you we didn’t get rid of everything. We just moved a lot of stuff to the basement. I promise we can go see if you want.” 

“Okay.” He was still a little shaky about it, but both Roman’s words and his touch helped to reassure him, plus it was nice to see that Logan wouldn’t get hurt anymore when trying to navigate in his own house. 

He followed them both down to the basement, Roman flicking on the light as he descended the stairs. Once down, he could see all of the furniture he was looking for. Patton looked over it all, realizing that a lot of the pieces he really liked must’ve still been upstairs. How thoughtful of them. Even when they were doing something nice for Lolo, they still managed to do something nice for me too. He smiled at them, feeling better about the situation. 

They went back upstairs and Patton let out a sigh of relief. “So, besides all the furniture.” He moved to push his curls out of his face, stepping closer so he could talk quieter. “When are we getting the dog for Logan?” 

Roman seemed confused, and him and Virgil shared a look before he started to translate what Virgil was signing. “Virge says that we’re going to get one next week. We’re thinking about getting him a shepard or something. Though we’re not sure yet.” 

He signed something back to Virgil and there was a long back and forth with no translation for Patton and he was beginning to feel left out. Eventually they stopped signing so aggressively and Roman provided an explanation

“We’re going to go get the dog Tuesday. You, me and Diego can go. Virge is going to drive Logan to a doctor’s appointment. “ 

“What kind of dog?” Patton was hoping they’d find a german shepard that would work well because if Patton remembered correctly, growing up Logan had had a german shepard and he had been devastated when he died. 

“We don’t know yet. We’ll just have to see what we can find.” Virgil signed something to Roman, and he signed back before translating. “Virgil thinks that we should pick up a pound pup and then take it to the service dog training center to learn how to be a seeing eye dog.” 

Patton was a bit hesitant, maybe it’s supposed to be a surprise since Logan can’t see it. I guess I’ll have to keep a secret. Then, he smiled as he realized something. “Maybe we’ll have the dog trained and ready to go by Logie’s birthday.” Logan’s birthday was the third of September, meaning the dog would have five months to be fully trained. 

“That would be nice, he’d love that for a present.” Roman smiled brightly, like the idea of making one of his loves happy made him feel good. 

“So it’s set then, we’ll go and check a few dog shelters for a good dog for Logie.” Patton had a sudden realization. “And it’s gonna cost a lot.” His mind sort of overly focused on a memory he had. “I looked into it once and it can cost close to thirty thousand dollars to train a dog.” 

Roman looked concerned. “I think we can figure it out, I mean; I’ve got money saved up.” He closed his eyes as he ran through all the money he should have in his emergency cash fund. “Let’s see, there’s the, ‘in case of emergency money,’ and my parents always put stuff back so there should be some jars of change in the basement.” He tapped his face, trying to think. “Plus the government should pay for some.” 

“I sure hope so, cause that could be a lot of money.” Patton, wrung his hands. All of that for a dog to help Logan? He would gladly pay it but it stressed him out a little bit. 

“Well, we’ll get to that when we get to that. For now, let’s just make sure we get that dog picked out for him before we do anything.”

They all nodded, before exiting the kitchen and back into the living room. Diego was lounging next to him laying basically in Logan’s lap. Logan was playing with his hair, a look of delight on his face. 

“The texture is peculiar.” He murmured, the curls wrapping around his fingers. “It’s sort of thick, but not so thick like Patton’s, and the curls feel like they’re well structured.” He marvelled at them for a moment, a soft smile on your face. “Thank you for letting me touch your hair Diego.” 

Diego nodded vaguely, he didn’t seem to be fully there. Like he was sort of floating in a different world. His eyes were unfocused and it was clear that he was in some sort of dissociative state. He murmured something in response, but it sounded like it was in a different language. Spanish maybe, or portugese. The other three sat down on the couch. Virgil closest to Diego, with Patton in the middle and Roman on the end. Logan felt the shift and turned towards them with a delighted smile. “Diego’s hair is so nice, I want to touch all of yours as well.” It was almost like he was asking permission. 

“Well you can touch mine.” Offered Roman and Patton at the same time.

Virgil turned to Roman What’s he asking? He signed quickly, trying to figure it out. 

He mentioned wanting to touch our hair and feel the texture. He responded. 

Oh, tell him he can touch mine as well. 

“Virgil says you can touch his hair as well.” He translated. 

Logan’s face really lit up at that statement. He couldn’t see them, but knowing that he could touch them to paint a mental picture of them made him feel good. “I’ll definitely be doing that later tonight then.” 

They’ve done so much for me, even today. He sighed, leaning back against the couch. 

Today was a lazy day for the boys, They hung out on the couch and watched TV almost all day, only getting up a few times for them to eat, and even then it was just simple things, sandwiches or ramen noodles. They watched disney movies, documentaries, reruns of Patton’s favorite TV episodes. It was just a nice relaxing day. 

They stayed like that for hours, until the sun started to go down and Roman remembered that it was his night for dinner. He and Patton alternated because they both thoroughly enjoyed cooking. He stood up, wiggling away from Patton. “I got to make dinner.” He stood up, and went into the kitchen. 

Pulling together different ingredients wasn’t hard in their house, they had a large garden and there were a lot of things that could be made. He started on some vegetarian enchiladas, one of Virgil’s favorites. He cooked in silence, so focused on the tasks at hand that he didn’t think about anything else. It was just simple orders, his mind would tell him what he needed to do in order to complete the task and he did it. 

Soon, dinner was finished and he was ready to serve it. Dinner was a normal affair, of mostly silence, until Diego excused himself to go to bed. They all bid him good night, some kissing him on the cheeks or forehead while others just hugged him and wished him good dreams. 

They finished eating, and put their plates in the dishwasher. The other two left to their rooms, but Logan lingered, and wanting to make sure he was okay, so did Patton. 

“Patton, can I talk to you?” He set his plate down, leaning against the counter. 

“Of course, what’s up Logie?” 

“Do you think I’m,” He paused, and took a deep breath. “Helpless? I mean, you help to lead me around, you always seem so worried for me. Do you think I can’t take care of myself?” There was no malice in his tone, just genuine confusion. 

“No! Of course I don’t. I think that you need more assistance, just like the rest of us do, but you’re not helpless.” 

“You know I used to be a teacher.” It was like he just suddenly changed the channel, Patton couldn’t quite follow it, but he would let him talk. “I used to work with kids like you and Roman and Virgil. I was learning ASL to help them, so that they wouldn’t need an interpreter and I wouldn’t have to slow my role when I was lecturing.” 

“What happened to all that?” 

“I was leaving the parking lot after school, and someone T-boned me.” His hand reached up and he rubbed his neck, like he could feel something there. “Something happened to my neck and my brain, I just couldn’t see anymore” He sighed. “I used to be so smart and so capable; and now, I’m this.” His faced turned down. “I’m glad I met all of you though.” 

“Logan.” He reached out and touched his arm. “You’re not helpless, and you are capable. Just because something is different about you doesn’t mean that you’re helpless.” He stood on his tiptoes to kiss his nose. “I love you.” 

“Thank you Pat, I love you too.” He cupped his face for a moment, allowing his fingers to touch the other’s hair. “Now, I think I should retire so that I have adequate sleep for the doctor’s tomorrow.”

Patton nodded, and with that, they both retired to their rooms for the night, thinking of what tomorrow would bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to leave a comment if you like!


	4. Throw Him a Bone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: N/A

The next morning, Logan and Virgil left early in the morning to go to the doctor, while the other three took off for the local dog shelter and then to the training facility. The second they walked into the shelter, something about Diego changed. They had filled him in on the plan, but when he walked in, his eyes went flat. He furrowed his brow, teetering on his feet and almost crashing into Roman. Patton reached out and grabbed his shoulder, helping him to stay upright. He blinked a few times, before the look cleared and he smiled brightly. 

“Doggies.” He whispered, looking around at them all with wide eyes. 

“Yes, D. Doggies.” Patto responded. He looked around at all the different dogs, he saw a few that caught his eye, larger dogs with a playful look in their eyes. But none of them seemed right. 

The woman who was helping them with a dog walked behind them, gesturing to dogs and providing information about them. Roman walked away from the other two so that he could think without the woman talking to him. That’s when he saw her. She was sitting laying in the middle of her kennel, panting, but at the appearance of Roman; she sat up, her ears pointed at attention. When Roman was about thirteen he had hyperfocused on learning everything he could about dogs, and from what he remembered, she appeared to be pure-bread. She was a long haired German shepherd, her fur was black and what could only be described as orange or golden. She watched Roman, either waiting for some type of command or waiting for him to pet her. 

The woman hurried to catch up to Roman. “That’s Stella, really a sad story. She was brought in after her last owner died. The people who brought her in said she used to be a service dog, and that she might not go well because she wasn’t exclusively a pet.” She leaned towards the fence, like she was fond of Stella. “We’re a nonkill shelter, and quite frankly she’s a sweetheart.” 

Roman bounced excitedly, This is the perfect dog for Logie. “Pat, D! I found the dog for Logie.” he gestured them over, clapping his hands. 

They came over, and after relaying the information he learned about Stella; they were fully prepared to adopt her. Roman texted Virgil about her, and waited for his go ahead. They wanted everyone to love her just as much as he did. 

Virgil received the text as soon as they had stepped into the doctor’s office. It buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled out his phone just as Logan tapped him on the shoulder to say something. 

“How’s the dog shopping going?” He asked carefully.

He couldn’t see the shock on Virgil’s face but it wasn’t hard to assume that he was surprised. “You are aware that Roman is rather loud yes? Besides, you’d have to tell me at one point, I would need to be present when the dog was being trained.” 

Virgil sighed, and had his phone read the message to Logan. “We found a dog! Her name is Stella and she’s really pretty! I’ll send you a picture. The lady said that she was training to be a service dog, I bet Logie will love her.” 

Logan laughed, and pulled out his phone. “Call Roman.” He spoke to his phone, and the phone started ringing.

He answered after two rings, trying not to sound like he was covering for something. “Hey Lo, how’s the doctor’s going?” 

“Roman, I know you’re trying to find me a dog.”

Silence. 

“And while I thought it was a bad idea, and I still think it might be a bad idea. Patton was right; I should make use of every opportunity I may have to help myself.” A lie, he was only truly accepting the dog to make Patton and the rest of them happy, he didn’t really want a dog because of how people might look at him. 

“I’m glad you’re on board.” Roman smiled in excitement. 

“Well you’d need me to train her anyhow.” 

“Mr. Hollow.” 

“I’ve got to go Ro, but get Stella, and we and we can talk about her training when we get home.” He hung up, and reached out for Virgil’s hand to lead him to the door. 

Roman closed his phone and turned back to the other three. “Logan knew we wanted to get him a dog.” 

“What did he say?” 

“He said that we should get the dog so that he can help us train her and take all advantages of anything that could help him.” He shrugged, but turned to the woman. “How does this all work?” 

“You’ll sign some papers, there are a few fees that need to be paid. After that, you have a few things you should do for your dog; but nothing that comes with me.” She opened the kennel door, and let Stella out. 

Stella sniffed at the three standing there, and then sat down and waited for them to pet her. Roman moved towards her first, petting her ears and her neck, smiling when she pushed against his hand. The woman brought over a leash and clipped it to Stella’s collar. She handed the handle to Roman, and then led them back towards the front room. 

“I’ll get the papers so that you can sign for her.” She slipped into a back room, coming back with a paper. “It’ll be a $25 dollar adoption fee and a signature here and then she’s yours.” 

Roman nodded and reached into his pocket for his wallet while Patton signed for Stella. He pulled out the money and set it on the counter. The lady took the money, looked over the paperwork and then bid them goodbye. As soon as they were out to the parking lot, they started to figure out how to fit everyone in Roman’s red 2000 Taurus. He drove, and Patton sat in the passenger seat. Dorian (who it appeared Diego had switched to) insisted on sitting next to the new dog. 

He spent the entire time they drove home petting Stella, and cooing at her. As soon as they got home (deciding that the first order of business was to go home so that she would know where she was living and she could explore), Roman made a call to the veterinarian clinic in town. He found out from the person who had answered the phone that they had an open spot in about an hour. He set up the appointment, glad that Logan and Virgil should be home by then so that Logan could meet Stella. 

They got home fifteen minutes before Roman wanted to leave to take Stella for a checkup. The minute they opened the door, she went from panting on the floor, her head in Dorian’s lap, to sitting up stiffly, her ears perked and eyes trained on the door. Virgil saw her immediately, and recalling what his parents had taught him when they had a dog, he patted his thigh. 

As if waiting for this silent command, Stella bounded over to him, wagging her tail excitedly. He did the hand command for sit, and she followed his commands with ease. He grabbed Logan’s hand and led him down towards her. He seemed briefly confused, and then he felt the dog and a smile broke across his face. 

“Hi Stella.” He murmured, and he couldn’t see it, but her tail started wagging. 

“Do you want to see if she knows voice commands?” Roman translated Virgil’s signs as he came over. “Or that’s what Virgil asks anyway.” 

“Uhm, okay.” He cleared his throat, before turning towards where he thought Virgil was (based on the hand on his, towards his left). “What should I say?”

“Well she’s already sitting. So maybe lay down, or see if she knows how to heel.” 

“Okay, umm, down.” He used a firm tone, and despite the fact that he had been petting her seconds before, her fur disappeared from underneath his fingers and he assumed that she was laying down now. 

He stepped away from Virgil and more towards the center of the room. “Stella heel.” 

He felt her brush up against him, and then the feeling of her sitting down, it was clear that she knew most commands. He reached down and pet her. “Good girl.” His tone was warm. He had been hesitant about getting a dog simply because he was unsure how much love he had, he loved four men, surely that was all his heart could hold, but this dog had already secured a place in his heart. 

“Well, I need to take her to the vet so they can do a checkup and make sure she has her shots.” He grabbed his keys off the table. “Want to come along?” He could tell that Logan was already attached to her. “And then afterwards we’ll go shopping to get her all of her things.” 

“I would like to go yes.” 

“Excellent, we need to leave like right now though.” 

“I see.” He walked back towards the door, standing in front of it. He couldn’t hear Stella near him, so he put out his hand just a little bit. “Stella, come.” 

Immediately he heard her claws against the floor, and then felt her head against his hand. “Let’s go.” He directed the comment at Roman, stepping back to let him open the door so that they could go get in the car. 

Logan opened the back door and patted the seat; waiting for Stella to get in and lay down. As soon as he felt her shift the seat, he closed the door; walking around to the passenger side. He could only tell the difference because Roman directed him around, shouting out the window to direct him. 

As soon as he was seated, and buckled in, Roman started the car. It was a short drive into town. The arrived a few minutes early and seated themselves in the waiting room. Stella laying at Logan’s feet. She’d clearly picked her favorite even though she had her head rested on Roman’s foot. 

The nurse came out, and seeing as Logan, Roman and Stella were the only people in the waiting room, she gestured them back. They got Stella up on the table, and Logan and Roman stood near the door awkwardly. 

Thankfully the appointment went well, the man (who’s name was Dr. Martins) could see nothing wrong with her, she seemed to have a lot of energy and would need some definite exercise, she was about two years old. Nothing out of the ordinary, because the files the lady at the shelter had provided didn’t have a list of shots, he gave her a rabies shot, along with her distemper, parvo, and adenovirus shots. Then, he billed them for it and sent them on their way. 

“I’m glad she was in good health.” Logan commented as they went back out and got into the car. 

“Yeah so am I.” Roman started the car. “I guess on to Walmart we go, then we’ll make a call to the service training facility.” 

“There’s one in town?” Logan couldn’t recall any mentions of that place in town, and if there was he didn’t remember it.

“No, but the closest city has one, and it has really good reviews. I assume they’ll train Stella very well.”

“I presume I will be making the call.” He raised his eyebrow, turning to face him. 

“It’d be best yeah.” He paused to navigate a turn. “She’s your dog.” 

“Roman, she may have been meant for me but she’s all of ours dog.” He reached back, seeking out her head so he could pet her. He could hear her tail hitting the seat and the car panel.

Finally, he felt her under his hand, and gave her head a warm pat. “Can you get the number pulled up then so that I can dial and you can drive?” 

Roman handed him the phone after a couple minutes, and he could hear it ringing. He held it up to his ear; just as someone on the other line picked up. 

“Hello, this is Crystal, how can I help you?” 

“Hello, my name is Logan Hollow.” He paused to consider what to say. “I would like to talk with someone about setting up a consultation or a time when I can talk to someone about training a service dog.” 

There was a pause, like someone was writing something out, or maybe checking something. “We’ve got a lot going on today but tomorrow might be a good time to come in and we can meet you, meet your dog.” 

“That should work out,” He paused again, not entirely sure what he can say. “Thank you.” 

“We have nine in the morning and noon open if you’d like to pick a time.” 

“Noon should work.” He knew how his boyfriend’s were about waking up.  
“Alrighty.” There was a pause as the woman entered that into the computer. “Thank you, I’ll see you tomorrow at noon Logan.” 

“Okay, thank you.” There was a beep as the woman hung up, just as Roman pulled into the parking of Walmart. 

“Do you want to come in with me? Or stay here with Stella while I get all the things?” 

“I’ll go in, we can crack a window for Stella.” He didn’t want to say it, but Roman tended to be forgetful, so it wouldn’t surprise him if he forgot something important while they were shopping. 

“Okay, should I leave the car on then?” He paused before turning the key. 

“No, I believe that if we roll the window down she should be okay.” He reached back and hit the button.

He finished rolling it down a little bit and opened his door, allowing Roman to turn off the car and get out. They walked into Walmart, Roman’s hand on his wrist to guide him inside and make sure he didn't get hurt. As soon as they were inside, Roman grabbed a cart and they assumed their usual positions; Logan resting against the handle of the cart while Roman stood near the front with his hands on the cart, guiding it around. 

“Where to first?” Roman said it as quietly as he could, stepping closer to Logan as he spoke. 

“The pet aisle. We need to get bowls, food, toys, treats, probably a harness, pet bags just in case. A bed or somewhere she can sleep.” He paused his movements. “Which means, no dogs on the furniture.” He meant it, he knew how the rest of them were about their love for animals, and he could already hear the disagreement that him and Patton would get into over whether or not Stella is allowed on the furniture. 

Roman led him over to the aisle. “What all should I grab?” 

“Metal bowls, treats, a leash and harness, color doesn’t matter. If they have pig ears as a treat grab a few of those too.” He paused to think about where everything would be in Walmart. 

“Are the dog beds and kennels in this area?” 

“Yeah, do you want me to get the big ones?” Even after he asked it he felt like he asked something stupid.

“Of course Roman, those would work best.” HIs tone was sort of flat, no judgement or confusion, just a simple statement. 

Roman grunted as he set down the dog kennel in the cart, settling other stuff on top of it. He had grabbed everything that Logan told him to, except for the pig ears because there weren’t any but he did find a bone instead that looked alright. He had grabbed a red harness and red leash (his favorite color) as well as two metal bowls and some green bags should they be needed. He looked down the aisle but couldn’t see any dog food. 

“Uh Logan, what about dog food?” 

“Try the next aisle over.” 

He went over, dragging the cart and Logan with. As soon as they were over there, he saw that the entire aisle was full of different animal foods. 

“What kind do we want for Stella?” There were a lot of options and he felt a little overwhelmed. 

“Purina dog chow should work, a rather large bag so that it lasts for a while.” He paused to think about what size. “Maybe like a twenty six pound bag. Let me know if you require assistance.” 

“No, I got it.” There was the sound of someone straining to pick something up, and then a thump as he set the bag down in the cart. 

“That should be all we need, Patton didn’t send us with a shopping list and I believe that you grabbed everything we need for Stella.” 

They went to the front of the store and Logan paid for all of the stuff, helping Roman load it into the trunk. Stella was doing fine, in fact, when they got in the car, she was asleep in the back. 

They went home, opening the door to let Stella out to go to the bathroom. As soon as she was done, she trotted to the door, and waited for them to let her in. When they did, they smelled the smell of Patton cooking something,

Virgil got up off the couch as soon as he saw the door open and helped to get all of the bags. AS soon as they were all inside, Virgil set up the dog kennel in their bedroom, setting the dog bed inside of the kennel. He put the bowls in the kitchen and put the bag of food in the pantry; just as Patton finished cooking. 

He dished everything up and called them all to the table, kenneling up Stella so she wouldn’t come beg at the table. Dinner was a casual affair, and afterwards, they each went their own separate ways to their bedrooms to spend some time just by themselves doing their own preferred things. 

Roman was just lounging around as Patton played with his hair; Logan was listening to an audiobook, with Virgil right next to him listening to music, the only person who was being active was Dallas, who was playing with trucks on the floor. They had moved Stella’s bed out to the floor so that she could be a part of the family happenings. 

They just hung out and relaxed for hours, before they all retired at different times. First Logan, who was leading Dallas with him so that he could get some sleep, then Virgil with Stella in tow. Finally, an hour or so later, Roman and Patton went to bed, tucking themselves in around D. Just before falling asleep Roman had one thought; _Tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions!


	5. Storytime!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for this Chapter: Mentions of a car accident, losing a job, and divorce

The next morning, Logan was up sharply at nine-thirty, first to let Stella out to the bathroom, then to make sure that one of his boyfriend’s who could drive was awake. He decided to wake up Patton this time. Virgil had driven him to the doctor, and Roman had taken him to the vet and to the store; so he figured that Patton would probably like to drive today. 

He woke him up, by shaking his shoulder softly. Patton sat up after a few minutes of shaking, and pouted at him. “Hey Logie.” He yawned. “What do you need?” 

“I assumed you would like breakfast before we left. It’s your turn to drive.” He stepped back, giving him room to stand up, unconsciously reaching out a hand to make sure he didn’t run into anything. 

“Oh, right, let me get dressed and then I can make something simple for breakfast and we can get on the road.” He pushed his hair out of his eyes, reaching around for his glasses. 

Logan nodded to him, walking out of the room. The sound of Patton fumbling for his glasses (for surely that had to be the sound he had heard) reminded him that he didn’t put his glasses on today. He stopped where he was, standing in the middle of the hallway. To anyone else this might’ve been a simple realization, but for Logan, it sent him into a dizzying attack of. . . relief? He reached up to touch his face, and it didn’t really upset him that he didn’t have his glasses, not like it would’ve last week. It felt nice to not always have to wear glasses and pretend to be able to see. 

He shook his head, and went back to walking to the kitchen. Once there, he sat down in the breakfast nook; knowing full well that Patton would come bounding in and whip up some simple breakfast for them both. He settled himself in the chair, and waited. 

He only waited a few minutes before there was the sound of footsteps, semi-fast ones, how Patton’s sounded. “Logie! I’ll make breakfast and then we can go.” 

“Okay Pat, but nothing too complex, the drive is an hour and the appointment is at noon.” He doubted it would take that long, but sometimes Patton surprised him. 

“Okie dokie, Logie.” he giggled to himself, always so childish when he first woke up. 

He settled into his place, allowing his nose to take in all the scents of whatever Patton was making, it smelled like pancakes, and eggs maybe. And coffee; Logan smiled. He loved coffee, just straight black; Patton on the other hand, preferred to add tons of creamer and sugar to his. There was another scent, something sweet; maybe a pastry or something. 

After about Twenty minutes of silence, Logan just sitting in his chair, mulling over the future, and Patton focused on his cooking, Logan finally said something. 

“You know, after I got hit by that car, I was in the hospital.” He paused, to think of the best phrasing. “And I got a call, from the school I was working at. That they had given my job to someone else. I wasn’t a science teacher anymore.” 

“I’m sorry Lo.” Patton’s words were half-hearted and quiet, he didn’t want to stop Logan from talking, but he did want to express his feelings 

“I was lost, I didn’t have my job, I didn’t have my sight, I was useless.” He readjusted his tie. “My husband left me, he said that I was ‘too sad’ to have in his life. Just a quiet divorce, he didn’t ask for anything, not even the house, I was alone and in so much pain.” He paused, this time to stop himself from crying. He took a deep breath. “I was so mad, at the world, at me, at him. I was mad at everyone. And then, one day, out of curiosity, and honest boredom, I downloaded a chatting app.” his face broke into a smile and he turned in the general direction of Patton. 

“This is the good part, this is where you come in.” 

“Awh, you think us meeting is the good part?” Patton blushed as he turned towards Logan. 

“Of course, I met you and Virge, and Virge introduced me to Diego, who he was dating, and then you introduced me to Roman; and we started dating, you, me, and Roman.” He pushed his hair back. “And then Virge and I started dating, which brought Diego into our relationship. And now we’re all together.” 

Patton came over and sat down next to him, setting a hand on his. “And I’m glad we’re all together. I love all of you so much.” He leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. “Breakfast should be done in fifteen, twenty minutes ish. You can keep talking if you want.” Even if he couldn’t quite understand all of the feelings that went into Logan’s story, he wanted to hear more. “I feel like I don’t know nearly enough about you.” 

“Why don’t you talk for a while.” He suggested, resting his head on one of his hands. 

“What should I talk about?”

“I don’t know, anything. Describe the house to me, tell me about your favorite outfit. Tell me about the things I can’t see.” 

“So the kitchen, my favorite place in the house, the walls are yellow.” He smiled. “Roman insists that all kitchens should be yellow. It’s sort of like a butter yellow, really light. It’s like how happiness feels, warm. And all of the counters are dark grey, sort of like sadness but it really highlights how the walls look.” 

“That sounds nice.” Logan reached out to take his hand. 

“And the table is white, it’s painted but it’s sort of chipped, and so are the chairs. They look farmhousy.”

“That’s not a word, the word you’re looking for is rustic.” 

“Oh.” He stopped to think about that. “So it looks really rustic and the floor reminds me of like an old diner because it's checkered black and white, like a chess board.” he grabs Logan’s hand. “And today, for good luck, I’m wearing my favorite sweater, ‘course it’s so hot I’ve got it tied around my shoulders. I’m wearing the blue polo Virgil got me for my birthday last year.” His smile brightened as he touched the polo. 

“Uhh, what else.” He stopped to think about it. 

“Tell me about things you like.” Logan had heard mentions of Patton’s special interests before, but he never got to talk about them long before something happened. 

Logan couldn’t see it, but it was like a light had flickered on inside of Patton, His smile brightened so much it practically split his face, and his leg started bouncing to burn off some of his extreme energy. For the next ten minutes he went on a rant about baking, not _cooking_ , because they were not the same thing, but _baking_. He just rambled, talking about pastries, and different doughs, he explains how certain exotic fruits add different flavors. He was so deep into his ramble on baking, that when the timer went off to alert him to whatever was in the oven being done, he physically jolted.

“Ooh my cinnabuns are done.” He remarked somewhat quietly. “Let me pull those out and you can have one of those or some pancakes.” He got up and was just bustling away when he remarked, “Oh! And coffee.” 

“Pancakes would be fine; thank you.” He wasn’t a fan of sweet things. “And coffee.” 

“Of course dear.” He poured coffee into Logan’s favorite mug, the one he had brought with him when he moved, the one with the words World’s Best Teacher written in fading letters. 

Patton had wondered about the mug before, wondered if he had gotten it because of his tendency to give long speeches of information, wondered if he had bought it for himself, or if someone had bought it for him, a past partner or friend. Now he knew, the mug was a link to his past, to a time when Logan could still see and he was a teacher. Now all he had left to wonder, who had given it to him. 

He shook his head, putting a few pancakes on Logan’s plate with some butter on it, the way that he liked it. Then he brought them over to Logan. He set them down, and nodded his head at the quiet ‘thank you’ he received before going back over to put a cinnabon on his plate and add some creamer to the coffee he poured.

They finished breakfast in silence, each content to keep their thoughts private as they ate the food Patton had prepared. As soon as he was done, Patton put his dishes in the sink and put the rest of the food away, knowing that when his other three boyfriends woke up they’d probably be hungry. He scribbled out a note to let them all know where they had gone and that there was food in the fridge, before going to sit back down and wait for Logan to finish his coffee. 

As soon as Logan was done with his coffee he let Stella go to the bathroom once more before loading her up into Virgil’s car (which is the one they decided to take for this endeavour). The city that the service dog training facility was in was an hour drive from Roman’s ranch. Patton managed it quite well, pulling through traffic like he’d been driving since he was twelve. They arrived at the facility fifteen minutes early. 

“Let me clip Stella’s leash and then we can go in.” He turned around and clipped the leash after fumbling with the harness for a while. 

As soon as he had it clipped he opened his door and stepped out, running his hand over the door until he could find the handle. Then, after pulling it open, he reached around and went searching for the handle of the leash. He grabbed it, and then stepped away. 

“Stella, come.” He didn’t pull on the leash, instead waiting to feel it slacken in his hand and the brush of her fur against his leg. He reached out and shut the door. 

“Behind.” Patton murmured as he maneuvered around, it was something he had picked up early into their relationship, calling where he was so that Logan could locate him. 

Then he felt a hand on his wrist, leading him just slightly towards the door. Patton pushed the glass doors open, and helped to pull Logan so that he wouldn’t run into anything. Then he helped him locate the front desk. 

“Hello, My name is Logan Hollow. I’m here for a consultation.” He kept his tone clipped but respectful. 

“Of course, Crystal told me to expect you, she’s right through there.” 

The woman gestured towards a set of doors that Logan couldn’t see before Patton leaned in and whispered, “Straight ahead but slightly to the right, I’ll lead you.” He pulled him towards the doors. 

As soon as they were there, Patton pushed them open and led him towards a seating area with a low sitting coffee table. He directed Logan towards one of the chairs.  
Logan sat down, “Stella, sit.” He commanded in a soft voice. 

“So that’s Stella then.” Her voice was strong, but rhythmic, like she had a steady beat to life that she followed. “And you are?” She gestured to Logan. 

Logan caught the movement just barely out of the corner of his slightly useful eye. “I am Logan, I believe we spoke on the phone yesterday.” He phrased it like a question, but it wasn’t. 

“Ah, and you are?” 

“Patton, Patton Faucheux.” He smiled, and with a slight nod declined the hand she offered. 

“You referred to this meeting as a consultation Logan, so hearing what your expectations of this meeting might be would help to clarify all of the information you’ll need from me.”

“Well we picked up Stella yesterday from a shelter. The woman there said that she was training to be a service dog, before her owner sadly passed away. What I would like to know is that requirements she must meet to be considered a service dog.” He crossed one leg over another. “I am of course blind, and so having a dog like Stella that could help to lead me around and make sure I don’t get hurt would be very nice.” 

“I see.” She paused, like she might’ve been waiting for one of the others to speak, before continuing her statement. “Now what does Stella know? If she was training to be a service dog then she must know something.” 

“It appears that she knows all basic voice commands, and possibly hand commands though I do not know what Virgil might have tested her on. Of course I don’t know what all I need to test her on because I do not know all of the things that a service dog must be trained on.” 

“Which is where I come in.” There was an evident smile in her voice. “Well, all of the basic commands; as well as a few extra on where she should be. In, out, before, behind, left, right. All of these to help her know where to be when you need assistance. She also must know to defecate on command; of course she needs to be able to handle social situations along with all of the training that goes with helping you navigate around.” 

“I see; well she has shown no malice towards any of my partners, so I do suppose that she’s probably pretty good at being social. She hasn’t barked once in the car, which makes me assume that she also has good manners when it comes to being social.” 

“What would all of her training cost?” Patton piped up, his main worry being affording her training. 

“Well, the good thing is that you can actually train Stella at home. She does have to have a minimum of one hundred and twenty hours of training, and to completely train her because that’s just the minimum can take years, but having a helping hand like that is well worth the time and wait. Really, all of that can be done at home and then you can get her certified through online or even come here. I can test her and as long as she passes every test we can put in for her to get certified. You can find all sorts of manuals and audiobooks on training a service dog.”

“That sounds like a good plan, and that would also help her get acquainted with everyone and for us to get acquainted with her. Thank you.” He stood up, considering this to be the end of the conversation. 

“You’re very welcome, feel free to come back if you would like training advice or any other type of help.” This time she didn’t reach out for a hand shake from either, instead gesturing towards the door with a polite smile. 

“Stella come.” Logan’s voice was equally as quiet as it had been when he gave the first command fifteen minutes ago.

They got in the car, and Patton drove home, only stopping to fill the gas tank and buy a few groceries. As soon as they got home, they were greeted with the sight of the other three lounging on the couch watching a movie. Logan and Patton joined them, Logan sitting near the armrest so that he could have Stella lay down next to him. They watched movies for hours, and in between picking new ones Logan filled them in on what they had learned at the facility. 

In the end they ordered take-out for dinner, before all settling in for the night; before bed, Logan sat in the chair by the window and just pet Stella, he was preparing himself for the next quite possibly two years of his life. And it felt good, it felt _right_ to have a dog, and to have told the truth, and to finally be able to be who he was and to be able to fix what he could. And admittedly, it felt nice to have told Patton the whole story like that.He sighed, before getting up. 

“In Stella.” He held open the door to the crate, listening to her footsteps and hearing her settling in. Then, he went to bed, curling up next to Diego, and pulling some of the blanket away from Virgil, he fell asleep to the gentle breathing of two of his partners, a soft smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and Suggestions!


	6. Partytime Blitz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety attack, sensory overload, and some serious angst

Virgil woke up, and immediately jumped up; today was the day, Logan’ birthday. five months of hard work, five months of life changing progress and now today was the day that Logan should get to relax. Virgil sat up out of bed and scrambled around until he found his hoodie, a gift from Roman. He pulled it on, his perpetually cold body reassured in the added protection of the jacket. He pushed his hair out of his face before heading out into the living room. The living room was entirely empty, which was to be expected. His boyfriends always liked to go really big on celebrations, birthdays, holidays, any chance they got to be extra they’d take. Logan had presumably been kicked out of the house until the party and the rest of them were probably in the kitchen preparing something akin to a feast. 

Virgil smiled to himself as he walked into the kitchen to find Roman and Patton in matching flowered aprons. Patton was furiously stirring some type of batter, while Roman was building layers of something in a pan. Diego was nowhere to be found. He walked up to Roman and tapped him sharply on the shoulder, he received on finger held up to him, _give me a sec._

After a few minutes of working and arranging, Roman turned around. _What’s up Virge?_ He leaned forward, raising his eyebrow in a questioning way. 

_Where’s D?_ Virgil responded in likewise, his own question granting an eyebrow raise. 

_We sent him to the store so that he could get decorations and candles._ He shrugged at the end of the statement, his eyebrows relaxing as he switched out of the question asking zone. 

_By himself?_ It was less a question and more an anxious and panicked statement. 

_No! Logan went with, as did Stella._ Roman was surprisingly nonchalant, and his eyes were already wandering back to the pan full of food. He just wanted to cook with Patton and not be bothered by all these questions about where and who. 

Virgil rolled his eyes before walking away. He couldn’t do anything right now, Logan and Diego were already gone, and he wasn’t a very good cook, or at least not Roman and Patton’s level. A brief thought of him helping Logan and D set up decorations shot through his mind and he nodded to himself in agreement. Seeing as there wasn’t much else to do, he settled himself on the couch and put on a documentary. 

As much as he poked fun at Logan for liking documentaries, he liked them a lot as well, it didn’t require him to use his imagination and to understand what type of tone the narrator, or in the case of a lot of movies, character, might be using because they were just relaying factual information. It was comforting to read the subtitles and feel like he understood exactly what was going on. 

Today’s documentary was on World War One, it seemed to be centered around one specific battle, but Virgil was just sort of watching the pictures on screen and halfway reading the words. It was comforting, to hang out and not have to do anything just yet. The black and white photography was just boring enough for his brain to focus on other things. He found himself pondering who’s car the boys had taken, what Roman was making, what Patton was making, how Stella was doing. His mind just drifted around, and it was comforting to drift, nothing to focus on, just allowing his mind to think and know things. 

He spent what felt like hours doing that, but it was barely half an hour before the door opened and Logan and Diego came in. He didn’t hear the door of course, but he did feel the tap on the shoulder from Logan and he turned around to see them both standing there, bags in their hands. 

“Want to help decorate?” Diego spoke slowly, allowing Virgil to read his lips. 

_Yes._ He signed it, a quick knocking movement, before getting up off of the couch to help them put things away. 

They set the bags on the table, and inside Virgil found an assortment of party goods, hats, banners and streamers, candles, a few bags for gift wrapping (which Virgil needed because he’d been hiding Logan’s present for months and now he needed a bag to put it in). He was impressed that they had managed to remember all of this, of course since Logan went along, it shouldn’t have surprised him at all. 

He shot Diego a quick few signs, asking him if there was a plan. And when Diego explained to him that there wasn’t a plan, he was almost delighted. Virgil had been told almost all of his life that he had an eye for design, and even if that was something of a hidden talent, he thoroughly enjoyed designing things. He grabbed the streamers, (blue and silver) and started to layout in his head where he wanted everything to go. He dug around in the bag until he found a roll of tape. He grabbed a chair from the table and climbed up on it. 

Then he paused, suddenly remembering the banner that said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. He snapped to get Diego’s attention, pointing at the banner on the table, and wordlessly, he handed it to him. Virgil took a step back and looked at the arch, careful not to fall off of the chair, trying to figure out where the banner would have to go to be centered. He nodded his head unconsciously before turning back and snapping again. Diego looked up, and he signed for him to get Logan’s attention. 

Logan was the tallest of his boyfriends, and he needed him to hold the banner while he ripped the tape to hold it in place. After Diego explained to him what Virgil needed, Logan came over to stand by him. Virgil guided his hand to where he needed it to be, before letting go so that he could tear the tape. He tore several smaller pieces, so that he could stabilize it, before pulling a long piece to put over the rest. Then, he pulled on the shoulder of Logan’s button up, trying to get him to move around to the other side. After a few seconds of being yanked on, he understood what he wanted, and after accidentally running into the chair that Virgil was standing on, he eventually made his way over to the other side. Once again, Virgil guided his hand into position before taping the other side of the banner in place. 

As soon as he was done, he patted Logan on the head in thanks, and grabbed the roll of streamers off of the table. The blue roll was the one he had originally had in his hand, and now that the banner was up, he could see it that much clearer. He ripped off a piece of tape, and stuck just a little bit of it to the wall where he wanted the streamer to be. Then, he placed the streamer, before smoothing the tape over it. 

Virgil turned around where he was, reaching out to grab the scissors off of the table as well. He cut the streamer and then stuck them into his pocket so that he’d have them on hand. He stuck the other end of the streamer centered in the middle of the banner. Then, he put the blue streamers in his other pocket to replicate the design with the silver streamers. 

It didn’t take long for him to have every archway leading into the dining room decorated with streamers. Some of them were branched across the archway, while others hung down in colorful representations of celebration. He got down off of the chair, and turned it back to face the table, as he finished the archway leading into the kitchen. Then, he pushed it back, before turning away so that he could set all of the things out of his pocket on the buffet table in the corner. 

He smiled, satisfied with himself, before going back over to the table and putting on one of the party hats. There were several of them, in a variety of colors, and he was glad to see a dark blue one, which was close enough to his favorite color, purple. He settled it on his head, wincing slightly when the elastic band snapped his chin. He took the empty bags off of the table, and put them in the bag bag. 

Diego snuck up behind him, and grabbed (not surprisingly) the yellow party hat. Then, he tapped Virgil on the shoulder. 

_It looks so cool in here!_ He smiled brightly, his eyes wide and almost amazed looking. 

_Thank you._ He smiled just as brightly, before sitting down at the table to rest. _Are Roman and Patton almost done?_ It was more of a curious question than a pointed one, and he tried hard to convey that by keeping his expression more surprised like rather than questioning. 

_Patton is waiting for the cake to cool so that he can put the icing on it._

_Nice, what flavor?_ He knew that Logan didn’t like overly sweet flavors. 

_Marbled perhaps? I didn’t get a good look at it._ He shrugged at the end of the statement, sitting down next to Virgil. 

Eventually they were joined by Logan, who after having a conversation that Virgil couldn’t quite keep up with, was handed the silver party hat. He settled it on his own head, before leaning back in his chair and presumably turning his attention to Stella on the floor. 

Meanwhile, Patton was adding the finishing touches to Logan’s cake. He had made a lemon cake, allowing for the frosting to be more icing like than anything, and it was decorated with candied lemon slices and pretty yellow flowers. He had written ‘Happy Birthday Logan’ in flowing Silver writing to finish it off. It was one of the only times his handwriting would ever look good. 

Roman on the other hand, was just putting the finishing touches on his vegetarian lasagna. He sprinkled the cheese on top of it, before popping it back in the oven. He was very proud of this recipe, a mixture of mushrooms and black beans to create something akin to a meat texture (despite his other boyfriends’ embrace of the vegetarian life, he still indulged in meat every so often). As the cheese was melting, he stirred a little bit of ranch into the mashed potatoes, adding a little more creaminess to the dish. He also reached out to stir the pot of corn so that it wouldn’t burn. 

Soon, the cheese had melted, and with a little bit of help from Diego, they carried all of the food out to the table. The festivities were in full swing, they all talked and laughed over dinner; they told stories about Logan, poking fun at him, reminding them all of his greatest days. It was exactly what a great birthday should be. 

While they were chatting, Roman had dished up dinner, and now that it was on everyone’s plate, they all quieted down so they could eat. Patton took a bite of the lasagna and immediately his stomach turned, it was slimy, some of the filling was, the texture of what he could only guess was beans and maybe even mushrooms. His heart lurched, he had to forcibly grab the edge of the table to actually swallow down the bite had taken. He caught Virgil’s eye with a pleading look. 

Virgil watched as Patton set his fork down and looked down at the ground, he had grabbed the table very tightly, before shooting him a pleading look. Virgil knocked on the table to get Roman’s attention. Ask Pat what’s wrong. His look was just as pleading. 

“Pat, are you okay?” He turned to him, to see him hunched slightly over his plate, his knuckles white as he gripped the table. 

“I’m fine.” He choked on his words, his gag reflex involuntarily reacting to what he had eaten. His mind was racing with the feeling the texture left behind, his mind blooming with all of the things the texture reminded him of, mud and snails and raw meat. 

“Are you sure? You can tell me if something is wrong Patton.” Roman kept his voice as quiet as he could, _maybe all the noise had upset him, or something had been said that startled him._

He started to cry as his mind almost hyper fixated on the taste in his mouth and the texture it represented and all the things that texture represented, his mind ran circles around it as tears streamed down his face. Not quiet, unfocused crying, but audible sobs and whimpers.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, I’m fine.” He murmured over and over again, pushing the plate away from him in an actual show of what was wrong. 

Roman felt a flame of something like anger, and he didn’t know why, but he was mad at Patton. He had worked so hard, had done everything he was supposed to, didn’t use meat because Virgil was vegetarian, didn’t make anything overly sweet because Logan didn’t like sweet, didn’t make any of the dishes that Diego had specified so he wouldn’t cause a switch in him, he had done _everything_ and now this. 

“Well if you don’t like it Patton you can just not eat it.” Something that could be said with a warm and caring tone, something that should be said with a warm and caring tone, was full of malice and bitterness. “I worked hard to make something good and if you don’t like it I’m sorry.” He crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing in anger as he sat back down. _Stupid Patton, why can’t you just like it, there’s nothing wrong with my cooking, you’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad I tried it too, no one else seems bothered by it._

It reminded Patton of when his mother would get mad at him and send him to his room. And in his mind's eye, it was one and the same, Roman was his mother, hissing cruelly at him in french and sending him to his room for causing a problem at the dinner table. Despite the fact that Roman hadn't said it, he could still hear 'go away, go to your room.' in his voice. He got up, and fled from the table, moving as quick as he could without running, tears still streaming from his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions!


	7. Author's Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can totally skip this because it isn't that important but I just wanted to say a few words ya know?

So that last chapter huh? I mean, wow, that kind of hurt to write, I'm not gonna lie. On another, totally insane note; so Six Chapters huh? It feels like a lot, or to me it does anyway. This fic hasn't been in the works for long, to be completely honest, most of the chapters are written and edited the day after the previous one goes up. It's one of those things where I'm just so inspired that plotting is completely useless because I can just write what I want and the words come to me. I've been having creative block for the past like, six months but this story is like a breath of fresh air for me. I've never written something that came this naturally to me. I hope the next portions of this story are this easy. Speaking of, Logan's portion of the story is done for the most part, all five of the boys will have chapters dedicated to their journey of bettering themselves and fighting their own inner demons, and for the most part, Logan has conquered his. That being said, I won't tell you who's is next (though you can probably guess) NO Spoilers from me! 

Well, anyway, thank you guys, gals and nonbinary pals, for commenting and leaving kudos and just reading this story in general. I've posted stories on different sites before that haven't even been looked at, let alone commented on or had kudos/hearts left on it, so to see this on flourish the way that it did just makes me so happy! I don't actually live with any of the disabilities displayed in this fic, so all of the comments on what is or isn't right is super helpful! Keep it up you guys! I've done a lot of research, but no amount of research in the world can fully show each and every disability just right, but I wanted to write something for those of us you out there that are misrepresented, who are underrepresented, and most importantly, who don't always get to see themselves as characters because they're able bodied, or don't have any of the mental disabilities (sorry, that's probably not the right word, but I don't want to use a word that's wrong and upset someone). 

I seriously cannot thank all of you enough, and I'm glad you're enjoying what I'm pointing out so far, and I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thank you so so so so so much!!!!! <3 <3 <3

I'll be back with more chapters in a couple days, like the twenty fifth or the twenty sixth, maybe even the twenty seventh? I don't know yet, I need a little bit of time to just breathe after all of that. Not long, there isn't going to be a haitus or anything, just need a second to catch my breath before I start the next portion. See ya then!


	8. Comfort in his Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I was taking a break but this is an important chapter that pairs with the last one
> 
> TW: anxiety attack, lots and lots of angst

Logan, Virgil, Diego all moved almost in sync, jumping up out of their chairs and shooting Roman a scornful look before heading down the hallway in a group to check on Patton. As they left, Roman couldn’t help but feel like he might’ve done something wrong. 

Patton collapsed on the bed, pushing his hair out of his face, knocking his glasses off in his haste. He yanked off the extra-special birthday jumper he had worn, before putting his head in his hands. _I ruined everything. I bet they’re all so mad at me. I should’ve just eaten dinner, why couldn’t I eat it? What’s wrong with me?_ His brain caught on that, _What’s wrong with me? Why am I so useless? And wrong? I should have never lived to adulthood._ Then the door opened. 

He looked up at the sound, blinking to try and clear the tears from his eyes enough to see. It was hazy, but he could make out three of his boyfriends standing in the doorway. _They're here to kick me out. And break up with me. And tell me they don’t want a freak like me living in their house._ He broke into fresh, and much heavier tears, shriveling against the headboard. He held up his hands in a placating gesture. _Maybe if I say the right thing, or I beg enough they’ll let me stay, give me a day at least to pack up._

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Please, please, please, please, I want to stay. Don’t make me go. I don’t wanna go. I didn’t mean it.” He dissolved into tears again, his words unintelligible.

“Patton.” Logan stepped forward, and Patton couldn’t detect any hostility in him, but he’d been wrong before. “We’re not here to kick you out. We’re here to make sure you’re okay.” 

He couldn’t understand that, _Why aren’t they mad at me? They should be mad at me, I did something wrong._ He looked between the three of them, but not one of them looked mad, their expressions held only patience, and gentleness. _Maybe they’re pretending, maybe they’re going to give me that day so that they can say their farewells. Maybe they still love me a little bit._ He relaxed a little, shifting away from the headboard and more towards Logan. 

“I just need a day, I promise. Then I’ll be gone.” He sighed, wiping furiously at his face to try and seem more put together, _how embarrassing would it be if they had to kick out a sobbing grown man._ He made an attempt at a smile. “Is Roman alright?” 

“Roman’s just fine.” Diego’s voice was sharp, and maybe a little too aggressive for the situation. “Right now we’re worried about you, love.” 

Even in his state of panic, Patton was able to recognize the slight change in nickname. “Decan?” He asked hesitantly. 

He strode forward sitting down on the bed and opening his arms out to the man on the bed. “Yes my love?” and when Patton immediately climbed into his embrace, he rested his head on top of the others. “I know, it was scary. Are you okay?” 

“Yes.” He lied, even as he buried his face in the other’s shirt and closed his eyes. Soon he felt arms on him, the strong grasp around his shoulders had to be Logan, and the slightly cold arm wrapped around his waist was Virgil. “I’m worried about Roman, he worked very hard.” 

“Roman still shouldn’t have said or did what he did.” There was a clear frown in Logan’s tone. “He had no right to treat you like that.”

“You’re not mad at me?” His voice was so quiet that only Decan heard it.

“Of course not love. We’re worried about you. So very worried, that was not kind of Roman to say.” The reminder of the accident caused a fresh wave of tears. He felt fingers brush against his back, like Decan’s fingers were moving briskly. _He must be explaining to Virgil._

“Patton you didn’t do anything wrong.” Virgil’s voice was strangled and it took Patton a few seconds to understand what he was saying, but he got it soon enough. “I want to make that clear. It is okay to not like the texture of something.” His tone was firm but gentle, like he was affirming Patton rather than chastising him. 

“He’s right, the sensory overload you experienced tonight is a part of autism. There’s nothing wrong with that.” The arm around his shoulder was presently attached to a body, as that body pressed against his side comfortingly. “It’s like when we went couch shopping and that one couch made you upset. Certain foods are the same. Roman overreacted.” 

“B-b-but I ruined dinner.” he felt tears beginning to pool again. “Roman worked so hard, I ruined everything.” 

“I don’t believe you ruined everything. In fact, you barely ruined dinner. It’s not like you can control what does or doesn’t upset you, furthermore, Roman should’ve asked before he put those textures in the lasagna.”

“How was he supposed to know those would upset me?” Patton was looking for any way he could take the blame, it would make him feel better, to know something was his fault and he wasn’t just being stupid.

“While you’re right that he wouldn’t know,” Decan’s voice was soft and soothing near his ear. “It would’ve been more correct of him to check.”

There, that, just knowing that he was right made him feel better. _I was at fault, I was right. I should have told him, should have let him know. I wouldn’t have ruined dinner if I hadn’t done that. I’m so stupid_

“But that is nothing to feel bad about, perhaps Patton, you should make a list of things that you don’t like and we can adjust accordingly.” 

“Oh I couldn’t do that, I would limit things too much, I don’t want to ruin it for anyone.” 

“We all make sacrifices for the person we love. Virgil’s vegetarian and that hasn’t stopped us. There are several things I enjoy that Decan doesn’t, because it triggers something he doesn’t entirely understand. It’s not that much to give up anything for you.” He paused, as if to judge how much would be good to say. “We love you Patton.” 

“But I don’t want to bother.” His voice was quiet, and unsure, like he was revealing a deep seated fear.

“You’re not bothering us love. We love you, and we’re willing to do almost anything for you.” Decan had heard this sort of argument before, in the inner world.

“Are you sure?” He was waiting for them to pull the rug out from under him and tell him it was all a joke. 

“Of course Patton. It would be beneficial for all of us, especially if we all wrote a list of foods we don’t like, or textures. It would make cooking and preparing meals much easier.” 

Patton felt a little bit better knowing that he wouldn’t have to do that alone, and he felt the movement of Decan’s hands against his back, and he waited for Virgil to speak. What happened instead was that Virgil removed his hand from his shoulder and he feared for the worst. _Maybe Virgil thinks it’s dumb that I don’t like certain textures, or maybe he’s mad at me for ruining Logan’s birthday, or maybe he. . ._ his thoughts trailed off as he tried to think of other reasons he might’ve moved. 

“Virgil says that he agrees with Logan, and that he loves you and he wants to know if you’re alright.” 

“Tell him I’m fine.” Patton turned around a little so that he could see Virgil. He reached out and patted his hand reassuringly, trying to fix his hair with the other hand. 

Decan signed what he had said, and Virgil nodded, reaching out to hug him loosely. 

Patton pulled away, turning to face Logan. “I’m sorry I ruined your birthday.” His voice was soft, but it carried well. 

Logan frowned. “Who’s to say you ruined it? We can still celebrate.” Then he paused, “If you want to that is.”

“I would love to.” He said, and then he smiled, and stood up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions!


	9. Partytime kicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: None? I think

Logan, Decan, and Patton went back into the dining room, while Virgil slipped back into their room so that he could grab the present for Logan. He knew that the other three had already wrapped and put their gifts in the dining room, but Virgil’s had arrived later than expected and he hadn’t got to put it in a bag at the time. He packaged it quickly, half jogging to catch up with them in the dining room. They were all sitting at the table, except for Roman. Virgil sat down his gift. 

_Do you know where Roman went? H_ e signed to Decan, his eyebrows going down to express his question. 

_When we came out, he went into the kitchen._ He gestured with his head, but when Virgil went to walk in that direction he caught his arm quickly. When Virgil turned back towards him he signed, _Try to be gentle with him, you know how sensitive he is._

_I will, I promise_ He patted him on the arm, before turning away and heading into the kitchen. 

Roman was sitting on the counter, twisting his fingers with a nervous movement. His hair was ruffled out of his usual perfect swoop, his eyes downcast. After all three of his boyfriends had left, _only after looking at me like I killed their brother of course,_ he couldn’t help but feel like he’d done something wrong, with the reappearance of Patton and the quick look from Decan, he had left the room, trying not to cry. 

He heard Virgil come in, his head shooting up. _Are they mad at me?_

_A little bit. You made Patton cry._

_I didn’t mean to. If he had just liked dinner it would’ve been fine._

_It was a textural thing. He didn’t like the beans._

There was a pause in the conversation, Roman stared at Virgil in open mouth shock, he hadn’t thought that maybe Patton didn’t like the texture, he assumed that he hated his cooking, and to some extent, hated him. “Oh.” He said out loud. 

He hoped down off the counter, readjusting the collar of his shirt with a careful hand. _What should I do? They’re mad at me, and I hurt Patton. He probably hates me._ He signed to Virgil, the expression of sadness and fear very real. _I’m so stupid._ He thinks to himself as fidgets with his clothing and his hair. 

_Maybe try apologizing? And making sure he’s okay? That might be a good start._ Virgil tried to express calmness with his facial expressions, so that Roman wouldn’t think that he was mad at him. 

_Okay._ He nodded his head, before reaching out to grab Virgil’s wrist and pull him back into the dining room where everyone else was. 

“I’m sorry you guys, especially Patton.” he sighed as he exclaimed the words, sitting down in a chair very quickly and letting go of Virgil as he did so. “I just thought that Patton hated my cooking and he was making a big scene because I did something wrong. And you know how I am about my cooking and since Patton didn’t tell me that, I didn’t think about that. And I’m sorry.” He said it all very quickly, pushing his hair back in frustration, though who he was frustrated with was unclear, even to himself. 

“It’s okay Roman.” Patton responded immediately, reaching out to pat his hand. He missed his birthday sweater, the soft material and oversized sleeves were good in a situation like this. 

“Your apology is accepted.” Logan, couldn’t see the frustration on Roman’s face but he frowned at the response from Roman. 

“Yes, thank you for apologizing, love.” Decan reached out to touch Patton’s leg in sympathy. 

Patton looked around to confirm that everyone had forgiven Roman. “Okay, let’s get back into it then.” he turned to face Virgil. “Would you like to cut the cake? Then we can get started on the presents at the same time.” 

Virgil nodded, and picked up the knife off of the table next to the pan. He cut the cake into fair sized squares, placing them on plates and setting them near everyone’s place. As he did so. Roman, Patton and Decan retrieved their gifts from beside the doorway. 

It didn’t take them long to each finish a slice of cake, and as soon as they did, Logan opened his presents. He picked up Roman’s first. 

“Who is this from?”

“Me.” Roman was practically bouncing in excitement. 

Logan untied the ribbon from around the box, struggling with the paper and the lid, but pulling it open nonetheless. He picked up the thing inside. It felt like a sweater, he ran his hands over it, feeling a soft and plushy material. 

“I crocheted it for you, it isn’t much but - -”

“Describe it to me.” 

He paused, trying to think of what to say, it was a perplexing request to him. “Okay, it’s, it’s dark blue, like the color of your eyes mixed with black.” Logan hadn’t heard a description like that before, or even really thought about the color of his eyes. He hadn’t seen them in years. “The yarn is pretty thick, there’s a stripe of silver around the neckline and along the hemline. I gave it a v-neck so that you could wear it over your button-ups and tie.”

Logan smiled at him, it was simple, so simple really, just a sweater in a style he liked, but the fact that Roman had made it, had spent more than likely months working on it, it almost brought a tear to his eye. “Thank you, thank you Roman. This is very thoughtful, I cannot imagine how much time it must’ve taken.” 

“You’re welcome.” He quipped out, smiling brightly, it felt nice to be appreciated. 

Next he picked up Patton’s present, it was a bag and after reaching in to take out some paper, he felt a lot of silky and smooth fabric. He was confused. 

“What’s this?” He pulled it out of the bag, before reaching his hand in to grab a few more. After pulling out two of them, he understood. “Ties? Who got these.” There was a smile on his face. 

“I did.” Patton was hesitant. “Most of them are solid colors, kind of like the ones you already have but in different colors, but a few of them have fun prints on them.” He swallowed, pushing up his glasses. “One of them has a dog on it, and paw prints.” 

“That’s very cute.” He reached out to offer Patton an affectionate shoulder pat. 

Next he grabbed Decan’s gift, it was rather heavy, and he struggled for a moment to hold it without dropping it. 

“Careful, it’s fragile,” he heard murmured to him, and he quickly put away the ties on his lap and set the bag next to him so that he could lift the box with both hands. 

He opened it up, and wrangled out what felt like a framed photo, it was rather large, and the frame felt wooden. 

Without being asked, Decan launched into an explanation. “The frame I painted white, obviously there’s glass over the picture. It’s the picture we took the day we all moved in, where we’re standing outside the ranch. The sun was very nice, it was right before Roman’s brother left for Spain, he took our picture for us.” 

Logan remembered that day, it was maybe the best day of his life, getting to meet each of his wonderful boyfriends in real life. It was the first time he had been able to really touch each of them, running his hands over their faces to get acquainted with how they look. To know who these men he was devoting his life to really was. The smile showed on his face, he ran his hands over the glass slowly, like he could feel that day in his hands. 

“Thank you, Decan. This is a very thoughtful - -” he felt choked up with tears. “I don’t know,” He swallowed. “Thank you, I love it very much.” he put it back in the box carefully, picking up the final gift from the floor. 

“I presume this is from Virgil.” He opened the bag, and pulled out what was inside. It felt like a CD. “What’s this?” 

“He says it’s an ebook. The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie. He says that he’s sorry it isn’t quite as nice as the other gifts, but he remembered you expressing interest in this book when you went shopping last time.” 

“There’s no need to be sorry, this is a great gift, I’m going to enjoy it immensely, I’ve heard good things about this book.” He spoke slowly so that Virgil could read his lips 

“He says he’s glad that you like it.” 

“Thank you, to all of you, this has been an amazing birthday,” then, he did something a little uncharacteristic, stumbling slightly, Logan went around the table and kissed each of his boyfriends on the cheek. “Thank you so much for making this birthday so amazing.” He sat back down in his chair, thankful to be able to move around the table without any issue.

“We love you Logan.” they all chimed out, smiling at him, even if they couldn’t see it.

“Perhaps, if you would all like,” he paused, allowing them to chime in and tell him no. “We could watch a movie or something. You can pick of course.” 

Patton was the first to agree, despite the fact that he just wanted to go to bed. The others agreed, and after a few minutes of back and forth, they finally agreed on a documentary about Disney. As soon as the movie started, he realized it was too loud, burrowing his head under the blanket and pressing himself as close to Roman as he could, Patton tried to block out the sound, falling asleep minutes into the beginning of the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave comments and suggestions!
> 
> And ya'll, i'm sorry if chapters start to get a little sparing, I have a lot of time on my hands, but this month can be a difficult time in my life, so getting work done might be a struggle. (as of the time of this chapter posting, it's about eight am and I haven't slept yet) still, I hope you enjoy the chapter!


	10. Phone Calls

After Logan’s birthday, things returned to the almost normal they were all used to, Roman and Virgil going to work, Diego, Patton and Logan staying at home, though now that they had Stella, Logan spent a lot more time outside or away from the house. Sometimes he’d go into town so that she could get some social training. Which left Patton and Diego to their own devices. Most of the day, Diego would sit at the computer in the corner of the living room and work on writing. He was trying to write a novel, though he never discussed the details with the others. Sometimes, Patton would check in on him to find him practicing ASL, his fingers moving in an imitation of the person’s on screen, his brow furrowed in concentration. Patton wanted to join him, but he was afraid that he would upset Diego. 

Patton on the other hand, was doing everything he could to just do stuff. He needed his mind to be constantly busy. He found himself cleaning a lot, or going out and surveying the garden for hours on end. Sometimes, he would count the plants he could see, or watch for animals. He did everything but think about that list that Logan had suggested. He felt like it would be stupid for him to do, or it would bother his other boyfriends. They hadn’t had any food slips, but several close calls with textures at the grocery store had led to near meltdowns in the aisles. He now had a mental list of items to avoid. Roman had had to lead him through grounding techniques to help him. And even then he had gone home and had an overstimulation break down. 

Currently, he was rearranging the accent pieces on the dining room table for the third time today. He had first gone up into the attic to dig for a proper looking vase, he had grabbed a few of them, balancing them in his arms as he descended. He had thought about grabbing all of them, just to have it laid out for him so that he could see, but he changed his mind as he remembered how many were up there. 

In his arms he had a blue one, a black one, and a yellow one, but he wasn’t sure which one he wanted to put in. He grabbed the yellow one because it matched the kitchen walls and would stand out nicely against the walls of the dining room, the blue one would be a good contrast, and the black one was because halloween would be coming up soon and he wanted to start to transition the decor. 

He wished Virgil was here to help him, because Virgil’s eye for design rivaled his own and he could use that right now. With a frustrated sigh, he dumped the clear marbles he had into the blue vase, sticking the fake flowers he was holding (sunflowers to be precise) in and set it on the table. He didn’t bother putting the other vases back, setting them on the buffet table instead. 

He went into the living room to go talk to Diego. Diego was sitting at the desk, his hands resting on the keys. He wasn’t typing anything, just staring into the screen like he was waiting for the words to appear on their own. Patton tapped him on the shoulder. “Want to go for a walk or something?” 

“I’m working.” He muttered, writing a few words before stopping again.

Patton sighed and walked away. He didn’t know what to do, he was bored, very bored, but it wasn’t like he could do anything. In the back of his mind he could hear Logan’s voice Write a list, so that we know what upsets you. He ignored the voice, and got his phone out instead. 

Idly playing games in the kitchen didn’t distract him long, and after washing the very few plates and cups in the sink, and walking the length of the kitchen at least three times, he finally balled his fists up and did what he was so nervous to do. Walking back over to the sink, he picked up his phone again. Anxiously, he opened up to the dialing pad, typing in a number he hadn’t called in several years. 

His finger hesitated over the call button, but after taking a deep breath, he pushed the button. With his ear to the phone, he listened to it ring for what felt like an eternity. Just as he was giving up hope, a sweet, accented voice answered. 

_“Allo?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Sorry this chapter is so short you guys! I promise a much longer one is in the works, hope the cliffhanger doesn't confuse you too much! Anyway, feel free to leave comments/suggestions


	11. The Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Questionable Mother-Son relationship
> 
> Sorry this is a sort of dialogue heavy chapter

Patton’s breath caught in his throat, he hadn’t heard his mother’s voice in a very long time. He swallowed, and spoke, using french so that his mother would understand him. _“Hey mom.”_

_“Patton, my love, it’s so nice to hear from you.”_

_“I have a question to ask you mom. Well not really a question, it’s sort of - -”_

_“Just tell me.”_

_“Well my partners think I should make a list of foods I don’t like. Isn’t that silly?”_

She was quiet for a long while, and for a moment he was afraid she had hung up. _“My love, you were always a special boy.”_ Special, she always used special, never autistic. _“I thought perhaps you would grow out of it. Now I see I was wrong.”_

_“Isn’t it silly that they thought that I should do something like that though?”_

_“My darling, they’re just showing that they love you.”_ She paused for a long moment. _“Perhaps I should have done that as well.”_

It was not often that Victoire Faucheux admitted her faults, but the way she had treated her son growing up was one that she could admit. Looking back on it, now, she realized how off putting her actions must’ve been for her only son. 

_“My love, I am so sorry for how I acted towards you. It was wrong of me, I am a terrible mother.”_ There was so much sorrow in her voice that even Patton, who struggled without being able to see someone’s face understood. 

_“No no mama, it’s okay.”_ He cringed to himself at the way his voice sounded, but he persisted. _“It’s not your fault, you were right to try and make me normal.”_

_“You can not change the way you are born.”_ her voice was soft, carrying across the line with the same gentle tone she might use when talking to a child. _“And I should not have tried to. Perhaps you should do as they say and make a list. It might help you.”_

That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. _“I’ve got to go, I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”_ She sounded slightly taken aback, but she hung up the phone. 

Patton sat down at the table, putting his phone back in his pocket, he was frustrated. It seemed that everyone was against him, even his own mother. He pushed his hair out of his face with a huff, looking around at the entire room with an anger tinted gaze. _Stupid tiles and stupid stove, stupid table and stupid vase that doesn’t make any sense and stupid flowers._ He was so into his passive aggressive rant that he didn’t even notice the door opening until he heard Logan’s voice. 

“Hello?” 

“In the Kitchen.” He called. 

He heard footsteps, three sets, two humans and one animal. He looked up to see Diego and Logan, with Stella at his side. 

“Patton are you alright?” Diego sat down next to him.

“I’m fine thank you.” Even as he said it he knew he sounded angry. 

“What’s got you forlorn hun?” Logan rested his hand on his shoulder, partially to navigate himself into a sitting position. 

He was silent, crossing his arms over his chest and turning to look down. He didn’t want to face either of them, especially not Diego, who could actually see him. 

“Hun?” Logan’s voice was even softer, his grip tightening in a comforting way. 

“It’s that stupid list you want me to write.” He exclaimed after a few more minutes of silence, leaning back in his chair so violently that he almost fell. 

“What’s wrong with it?” 

“I don’t want to do it. I’m not some kid that you have to care for because I’m incapable.” 

“We don’t think you’re incapable.” 

“Yes! You do!” He got up, shrugging off his hand and starting to pace. “You think that I’m silly because I cry about certain textures and you think I need to be taken care of and you go out of your way to make sure that I’m happy because you think I can’t take care of myself.”

“Patton, love, has it occured to you that we might do that because we love you?” Diego looked over at him, waiting for his response. 

“That doesn’t even make any sense.” He accused, stopping just long enough to shoot him a look. 

“We want you to write out that list so that you don’t get upset. We all love you very deeply and because of that we want you to be happy. Which is why we try to avoid textures you don’t like. We know you’re capable.” His voice was soft and reassuring, he tried to keep to many overwhelming emotions out of it, he wanted Patton to understand. 

“Really?” He looked at Diego for confirmation, and when he nodded his head softly, he came back over and sat down. 

“I’m sorry I freaked out, that was probably stupid of me.” 

“It’s okay to feel things hun.” Logan reached out to him again, knowing that Patton found comfort in touch. 

“I understand feeling like everyone thinks you’re incapable, but you aren’t. In fact, you’re so very capable, and that’s why we want to make this list, to help you become even more capable.” He paused to think about how to word his next thought. “This world wasn’t designed for us, and as such, we must find a way to adapt _it_ to _us._ We shouldn’t have to change for the world, it is easier for it to change for us.” 

“Will you write down things with me? So that I don’t feel stupid doing it myself?” He looked at both of them with pleading eyes. 

“Of course hun, though I will not be able to add much,” Logan smiled in his direction. 

“That’s fine!” He turned to Diego for his assertion. 

“I will if it helps,” he got up. “I’ll get a notebook, once we’re done we can put the list on the fridge.” 

He came back a few minutes later, carrying a blue notebook, it’s cover hastily wiped clean of dust. He handed it over, along with a pen out of his pocket. Patton took both items, sitting them on the table in front of him and flipping open to a clean page, disregarding the pages of elegant cursive. 

He wrote a header at the top of the page _NoNo foods._ Then he stuck the pen in his mouth, idly chewing on it as he thought about what he wanted to list. _There’s so many things I could put, how specific do I want to be? What if it’s something that I’ve eaten before because I didn’t want him to know that I didn’t like it?_

After thinking for a while he had compiled a list of things, both big and small: _hard-boiled egg yolk, cooked beans, sauceless noodles, most meat, asparagus, cooked carrots_ he thought a little while longer, before handing the page over to Diego so that he could write out the things he didn’t like, and allowed him to write down Logan’s disliked foods, which included ‘very liquidy soups, anything covered in heavy sauce’ and ‘foods with gravy’

By the time they were finished, they had filled an entire page with things that were ‘NoNo foods’. Patton put it on the fridge, using a blue magnet. 

As soon as he was done, he went into the living room, quickly being joined by Diego (who went back over to his computer), Logan, who sat down next to him and flipped on PBS so that he could play a documentary and Stella, who laid down at their feet, her head resting on her paws. 

By the time Roman and Virgil came home, Patton was half-asleep in his spot. The door opening caused him to sit up intently, and he watched them both come in, smiling as they hung up their jackets and closed the door. Roman immediately went into the kitchen, and he could be heard loudly muttering to himself and opening doors to get out the ingredients. He went suddenly quiet for a few minutes, before the sound resumed. It was clear he had seen the list on the fridge. 

When dinner time finally rolled around, Patton was delighted to find that all of the restrictions on the page had been abided by. Roman had whipped up a thick stew of a mixture of vegetables, rice and noodles. Dinner went off without a hitch (a difficult thing to do) and everyone, especially Patton went to bed with a content heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't tell anyone on Tumblr this, but you're getting this chapter early ;)  
> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions!


	12. Shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry you guys for the wait! I got a little bit heavy into the research for the upcoming chapters. Don't worry, the next chapter will be out soon. And it's gonna be big!

Patton rubbed his face as he sat up, blinking his eyes and reaching out with his other hand to try and locate his glasses. He slipped them onto his face, blinking a few times to adjust. As soon as he could see clearly he turned and looked at the clock on the nightstand. 1:00 pm blinked back at him. He was out of bed instantly, _How did I sleep so late? Why didn’t anyone wake me up?_ He rushed over to the mirror to fix his hair, he didn’t reach for the comb, because whenever he combed his hair he hurt his head, so he pushed through it with his fingers, getting it to lay flat as best he could. 

Then, he went out into the living room, finding Logan sitting at the couch with Stella at his feet and Diego at the computer, a word document open. Patton went into the kitchen, finding the remnants of spaghetti in the fridge. He dished himself some, heating it up in the microwave. He ate in the dining room, his phone set out in front of him. He was scrolling through a website that sold fidget toys. He was looking through them, trying to decide if he should hint to one of his boyfriends that this is what he wanted for Christmas or if he should just buy something for one of them and hope that they also bought him something he’d like. 

He slid out of the website, switching tabs to look instead at guitars. He was thinking about getting Roman a guitar, because if he remembered correctly, Roman had played for many years, but in the move from College back home, his guitar had been damaged beyond repair. Patton’s main concern was the price of guitars, they could range well over three hundred dollars, and Patton was concerned that if he got something expensive for Roman his other boyfriends might feel left out. He pulled on his hair nervously. 

“Hey D and Lo? Can you c’mere for a second?” He wanted to talk to them about helping to pitch in for a guitar as a shared gift from them all. 

After a few minutes, he was joined by them both. “Yes Patton?” 

“I was wondering if you’d like to pitch in to help for the gift I want to get Roman for his birthday. It’s sort of expensive and I don’t want to spend more on him than on you guys.” 

“What are you thinking of getting him?” 

“A guitar.” He showed them the one he had in mind, a dark wooded one, with a burnt in pattern of swirls and curls, many of them similar looking to musical notes. 

“Interestingly enough, I was also considering getting him a guitar. I would be happy to pitch in.” Logan couldn’t see the guitar but the noise of approval from Diego and the excitement in Patton’s voice was good enough for him. 

“I’d be more than happy to help.” Diego could already envision the excitement that he would feel upon receiving the gift. 

“Awesome, we could go today!” 

“Patton, do you know what day it is?” 

“Uh, Friday?”

“Patton, love, it’s halloween.” 

“Oh.” He looked at them both, feeling somewhat stupid for not thinking of that. “In that case, maybe we’ll go tomorrow?”

“There might still be time today.” Diego compromised. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Of course Pat, it’s an hour drive into the nearest city, and it shouldn’t take us long to get all of the equipment and the guitar. Of course you’ll need to hide it somewhere he won’t find it until Christmas, but it isn’t really that late. We should be able to return home before Roman and Virgil get home and require us to go out for Halloween.” 

“Well then Let’s get ready to go!” He bounced up, collecting his empty plate and hurrying it to the sink before going back to his bedroom and getting changed. 

He met Diego and Logan in the living room, having swiped the keys to the car off of Roman’s side table. Logan had Stella on her leash, and she was sitting at attention, having recognized that it was time to work. They went outside, getting into Roman’s car and heading for the city. Logan was in charge of the radio, which led to mostly classical music, with an occasional talk show thrown in. It was a peaceful drive, and Patton enjoyed it immensely. It was sort of like taking a break from all the hustle and bustle of normal life. 

After getting a little lost, they finally arrived at the music store. They got out, Diego holding the door open to allow Stella to get out. Logan took hold of her leash as soon as she was out, and they went inside of the building. The man inside the building was older, with a long beard and long hair. He smiled as they came in. 

“Can I help you?” He looked between them, looking over the counter to smile at Stella. 

“We’re looking for a guitar, an acoustic? And some extra strings because he’ll probably play it a whole lot. And - -” 

“Hold on there kiddo,” He held up his hand and came around the counter. “Let’s find the guitar first, then we’ll talk about strings and cases and such.” 

He showed them around the room moving past the pianos, electric guitars and other musical instruments. There was an entire corner dedicated to just acoustic guitars, and quickly, Patton and Diego started to look around it. There were a lot of guitars that looked pretty similar, mostly of a mid tone wood with black accents. 

“Ooohh, here’s one Lo, it’s red in the center and it fades out to really dark, almost like black.” 

Diego took his hand away from the one he had been touching. “Oh that one’s really nice! I bet he’d love it.” 

The man got the guitar down for them and offered it to him. Patton held it out to Logan so that he could touch it. Then, he leaned down and held it out to Stella, partially as a joke but he wanted to see her reaction. She sniffed it and then sat back on her haunches, which Patton took as a show of approval. 

“I think we’ll take this one.” 

The guy nodded, “Alrighty, let me get a case for that, with a shoulder strap and I can get a few sets of extra strings, meet me at the front counter alright?” He walked away, heading for a door near the back of the store. 

It was somewhat difficult to weave their way back to the front counter because he had led them back into the store away from it, but eventually they found it. As they sat the guitar on the counter, he came out of the backroom with everything in hand. 

He rang everything up. “Your total comes to $410.88” 

Patton had previously pulled off about two hundred dollars in total and with the contributions from Logan and Diego, they paid for the guitar. It was a bit of a struggle to figure out how to load the instrument, but after putting it in the trunk, and making sure that it was tucked securely back, they were homeward bound.


	13. Chapter XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: manipulative behavior/questionable behavior

Patton had barely gotten the guitar stored in the basement closet, when Virgil arrived home, with Roman in the front seat. They came inside, throwing their jackets near the coat tree, a look of excitement on their face. 

“Let’s get ready!” Roman clapped his hands.

They had decided that each of them would go as a disney prince. Diego as Naveen, Roman as Eric, Patton as Kristoff, Logan as Charming and Virgil as Adam. Each of the costumes had been measured, designed and sewn by Roman so that they would perfectly resemble the movie, he was very excited to go out. Each of the outfits had been hung in Roman’s closet, wrapped in plastic to keep it from getting ripped or destroyed. He brought out the bags and handed them to each person in turn. Diego closed the door out of habit and they all stripped to change into their outfits. Logan had to be directed somewhat but soon he had everything on that he needed. 

Soon enough they were all dressed, and their hair was mostly fixed, with Roman adding a few touch ups to Logan’s hair. Then, they were ready to go. He grabbed his keys off of the nightstand, which thankfully Patton had remembered to return and went out to his car. 

With Patton in the front seat, the other three situated themselves in the back seat. Roman turned the key, and was about to back out when he stopped and frowned. 

“Did you guys go somewhere today?” 

Patton panicked, he didn’t want to tell Roman where they had gone, or that they had gone anywhere because otherwise he’d demand answers. “No.” he blurted out, keeping his tone fairly calm. 

“Are you sure? Cause there’s less gas in it than there was yesterday.”

“Maybe you read it wrong.” Even as he said it, he winced. 

“I know how to read a gas gauge. Now why are you lying to me?” 

“I’m not, we didn’t go anywhere.” 

“Yes you did!” He turned off the car and turned around. “Diego? Logan?” but neither of them would meet his gaze. “Why are you lying?” 

“I’m not.” Patton crossed his arms, turning to face out the window.

“Fine.” Roman pulled the keys from the car, storming off back inside. 

Virgil opened the door, but instead of getting out and going inside, he walked back to his car, turning to patiently wait for them. They all got out, Getting into Virgil’s car. Virgil stopped to sign something to Diego, who interpreted for the rest of them. 

“V says, ‘while you shouldn’t have lied to him, he reacted like a baby, so we’re going out without him. If he texts me later and wants me to come get him, we’ll do that.’” 

“Are you sure V? I don’t want him to think we hate him, what if he’s mad at me?” 

Logan answered for him. “Then that’s his problem, you’re not in charge of other people’s feelings Pat. Besides, I doubt he hates you, you know how he is.” 

They headed for the city, mostly silent because Virgil had turned on some music and turned it up enough that he could feel the vibrations in the car. They were going bar hopping, a tradition of theirs that generally included very little drinking but a whole lot of dancing. Logan and Virgil would stick by one of their partners (generally Patton or Diego) while the other two danced by themselves, it was a tradition so that everyone could have a good time, except tonight, Patton’s mind was on Roman back at home. 

Roman had heard the car pull out of the drive and was currently sitting on the couch, his arms crossed.  _ Why didn’t they just tell me where they had went? Are they keeping secrets from me? Why? Do they hate me? What if they hate me. Did I do something wrong?  _ He didn’t want to think about them maybe hating him, so he turned on the TV and tried to relax. 

He hadn’t changed out of his costume, the white shirt surprisingly comfortable. He tried to distract himself, but all that was on his mind was what his partners were up to.  _ I bet they’re having a good time dancing,  _ and even as he tried to keep the thoughts in the mostly positive, with a hint of retribution they started to slip a little,  _ They’re probably having a whole bunch of fun without me, and they’re probably talking trash on me and dancing without me, and dancing with someone new and what if they’re trying to replace me? And I bet they just hate me, and I bet they want me gone and they probably think I’m stupid and - - _

He turned off the TV, and got up, pushing his hair back in worry and frustration. He yanked his phone out of his pocket, calling Patton. “Please pick up, please pick up, I need you to pick up.” 

After a few rings he heard the voice of one of his partners, and the sounds of a bar in the background. “Ro? Hello, can you hear me?” 

“Pat? Oh thank god you answered. You don’t hate me right? And you don’t think I’m stupid? You're not talking trash about me?” 

“What? No of course not Ro, I love you, we love you. Is everything alright?” There was a lot of worry in his tone. “Maybe we should come home, are you okay? Hold on, Virge is signing something and D is trying to translate.” 

There were mumbles from the other line. “Virge is asking if you want him to come get you so that you can party with us.” 

“Uhm, no. I just. . . stay on the phone with me?” Part of him just wanted the closeness of hearing Patton on the other line, but another part of him, a part of him that he was a little too in touch with wanted, to some degree, ruin Patton’s evening, keep him from dancing. 

“Virgil says that maybe he should just come get you.” 

“Tell him no.” 

“Why not?” 

Roman didn’t have a good answer. “Just leave me then, I’ll be fine.” He hung up the phone angrily.  _ Why can’t they ever let me have what I want? It’s not like I was going to hurt him or anything. I- - _ his thoughts were cut off by the phone ringing. 

It was Patton. He ignored it. There were several more calls, but he ignored them too. He wanted them to feel guilty. The calls stopped after half an hour, which was fine with Roman, he was getting a little annoyed anyway, he wanted them to feel bad, but he didn’t want them to call him  _ that much.  _

After fifteen minutes, with not a peep from any of his boyfriends, not a reprimanding text, not another call, not so much as a peep, he started to feel a little worried.  _ Surely they wouldn’t quit cold turkey like that. _ He turned up the sound on the TV to drown out his thoughts. 

Ten minutes after that, he became seriously concerned. He thought about texting them, or one of them, but he put that thought from his mind. He didn’t want to relieve them of their guilt too quickly.

Another five minutes passed and he started to get really seriously concerned. He couldn’t sit still, getting up, he grabbed his phone with the haste of someone grabbing a lifeline. He dialed Patton’s number, his finger hovering over the call button. Back and forth. He paced. Back and forth. To the wall, back to the couch. Touch the arm of the couch, accidentally kick the wall, linger on the couch, the wall. He was just about to press the button, when the door opened. 

He saw it out of the corner of his eye, and though it was a little difficult for him to hear, he saw it and it startled him, something moving when he didn’t expect it. He dropped his phone, and turned towards the opening door. 

It was Virgil, just Virgil. Virgil stepped into the living room, closing the door slowly. He stared at Roman, waiting for him to speak. He didn’t. 

  
__ He signed with urgency, or firmness, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes dark.  _ We need to talk. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger ya'll   
> I'll try to get the next chapter out soon so you don't have to wait too long.   
> If you enjoyed please feel free to leave comments and suggestions!


	14. Chapter XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: somewhat quesitonable behavior

Virgil dragged him into the kitchen, the place where most serious discussions took place. As soon as they were both standing in a clear space, Virgil began to sign, his lips turned down in a somewhat controlled frown. 

_ You really upset Pat with that. He thought you might’ve done something crazy.  _

Roman sighed out loud,  _ Well I didn’t, you don’t have to worry _

_ We wouldn’t have to if you would behave yourself.  _ He crossed his arms after the statement, trying not to get angry for the sake of clear signing. 

_ I don’t need to behave, I’m not a child.  _ He was clearly angry, his brows furrowed and eyes blazing. 

_ Yes you do. You need to behave like an adult, and right now you aren’t.  _ He took a deep breath, trying to calm down so that he wouldn’t stroke the flame. 

_ Whatever.  _ He began to walk away, but when Virgil didn’t stop him he whirled around.  _ Why are you so mean to me?  _ He signed it with as much force as he could, if he had been verbalizing, he might’ve screamed it. 

_ I don’t know what you mean. Roman you are acting like a child, a manipulative spoiled child.  _ Virgil stepped back even further. 

_ Shut up. No I’m not.  _ He knew that Virgil was right, but he didn’t need to say it, he didn’t need to hurt him like that.  _ You’re being mean.  _

_ Would you listen to anyone else besides yourself for a few minutes?  _ Now his signs were getting forceful, but he stopped, wiggling his fingers with a slow movement.  _ I’m not being mean to you, I’m trying to help you so that you don’t end up hurting someone you love.  _

_ Fine. _ Roman shot him a somewhat spiteful glance and actually left, walking into the living room with heavy stomps. Virgil followed behind him carefully. 

_ Patton lied to me, and you're taking his side. Why don’t you just go back to them and leave me alone.  _ He thrust Virgil’s coat off the hook at him.

_ I’m not taking his side.  _ He refused to take the coat.  _ He shouldn’t have lied to you - -  _

_ Then why are you taking his side?  _

_ Let me finish.  _ There was exasperation in his signs.  _ He shouldn’t have lied to you, but, you shouldn’t have reacted the way you did.  _

_ I can react however I like because it’s my life.  _

Virgil looked even more exasperated at his statement, still refusing the coat thrust at him.  _ You’re right you do, but you have no right thrusting it all on to Patton and being mad at everyone else just because you didn’t get your way. Roman please, I’m not trying to upset you, I’m not trying to make you mad, but you hurt Patton and you’ve hurt all of us and you’ve never apologized. You make it everyone else’s problem when you’re hurt but it’s never yours if you hurt someone. It’s time you learn to think and start owning up to your mistakes.  _

_ Get. Out.  _ He threw the coat at him, shouldering past him to get to his room. Halfway down the hallway he heard the door close. He made his way into Patton and his room, slamming the door as he threw himself down on the bed. 

_ Why is he so mean to me? I didn’t do anything to him, besides Patton deserved it.  _ He thought bitterly, kicking off his shoes so he could settle on the bed. 

_ Did he though?  _ A passive aggressive voice whispered.  _ What did he do to deserve it?  _

“He hurt me and he lied to me.” He muttered out loud, unaware that he was responding to a voice in his head out loud. 

_ And? You shouldn’t hurt him back. _

Before he could argue his point and press onwards with his anger, there was a knock on the door, it opened slowly. Virgil walked into the room and sat down on the bed. 

_ What do you want? Go away.  _ Roman signed it then turned away. 

Virgil reached out, grabbing his shoulder until he turned back towards him.  _ I want you to listen to me.  _

_ Why? You never listen to me.  _ He hoped that his word stung. 

_ Roman all of us have to listen to you because you’re the loudest and you never let anyone else have feelings.  _ There was little to no emotion on his face, trying to sign the words with factual movements. 

That gave Roman pause, he tried to think of a time when his feelings or his opinion had been ignored. There were very few instances, and all of them had ended in him getting mad and telling them that they hated him.  _ Oh. _

_ Exactly, you’re being unfair to the rest of us.  _

Roman wasn’t ready to admit defeat, didn’t want to. It would mean that he had done something wrong and he would have to admit he wasn’t perfect. _ And what exactly do you want me to do about it now?  _

_ Right now? Nothing, but when I get back from getting the others you could start with apologizing. And then tomorrow we’ll start more on what you could do.  _ He kept his signs controlled and determined, trying to balance an expression between happiness and firmness. He stood up, heading towards the door.  _ Do you want to come with?  _

_ Uh, no. I’ll stay here.  _ Roman didn’t want to have to apologize until the very last second. 

Virgil nodded very slowly, like he understood why Roman was doing what he was doing.  _ Okay, see you when I get home. I love you.  _ He signed the last statement with a soft smile, trying to express that even if they were fighting he still loved him with all of his heart. 

_ I love you.  _ He signed back, his expression similar. 

With that, Virgil left to go get their other boyfriends and Roman settled himself on the bed, waiting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel Free to leave comments and suggestions!


	15. Chapter XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: None? I think

Roman woke in the morning with an arm wrapped tightly around Patton. He sat up and fixed his hair, mulling over the events of last night. 

As soon as Virgil was gone, Roman went out into the living room to pace, he was nervous, because soon they’d be home and maybe they’d be mad at him and Virgil hadn’t told him what he was going to do. Roman couldn’t think of anything else to do but pace. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. The wall near the kitchen then the door. The wall near the kitchen then the door. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Hands to his pocket. Hands out of his pocket. Adjust his collar. Back to his pockets. Back and forth. Back and forth. Stop to push his hair away. Stop to readjust it again. He was just beginning to feel his legs tire when the door opened. 

He was turning to walk towards the door as it opened, and as it was pushed very strongly towards the wall he just had time to think  _ thank god _ before he had an armful of sobbing Patton. 

“I’m sorry.” He muttered over and over into Roman’s ear, holding him tightly, as he cried. “I shouldn’t have left you, I’m sorry, are you okay? I thought you were going to do something stupid, I’m sorry.” 

He held him tightly, his eyes meeting Virgil, who was standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. He shot him a panicked look. 

_ Apologize to him. Properly.  _ He signed slowly, with the lazy intent of someone who was stating the obvious. 

After a few false starts and some half decent stutters, Roman cleared his throat and said. “I apologize Patton, for causing you to worry and for blowing up on you, it wasn’t right.” He wanted to add  _ but you shouldn’t have lied to me _ but one look from Virgil was enough to quell that thought. 

“It’s alright Ro, really, it wasn’t your fault.” Patton held his face in his hands, and then after that they had all cleaned up and went to bed. 

Now, after getting dressed, Roman met Virgil at the dining room table. 

_ What are we doing today?  _

_ Apologizing. I’m going to teach you that it’s okay to make mistakes by making you say sorry to everyone in the household for something, something big.  _

_ Do I have to?  _ Roman expressed his distress with a turning down of the corners of his lips and a narrowing of his eyes. 

_ Yes. Today is easy mode. _ Virgil serious about his plans, he had laid out a piece of paper and a pen.  _ You’ll be apologizing to Patton.  _

_ How is he easy mode?  _

_ Because he’ll forgive you regardless.  _ He seemed dead set on making Roman write out his feelings and apologize, no matter how hard he thought it was. 

With a sigh, Roman sat down. He stared at the piece of paper, like it was taunting him, a frown on his face as he tried to focus. _ What do I apologize for?  _

_ Just something. _ He shrugged at him, a sort of  _ you can do it. _ Expression on his face. 

_ But for what? _ He was stressed about it, because what if he couldn’t apologize for anything because he was too stupid to do it. 

_ Maybe for the thing at Logan’s birthday?  _ It was like he had been dwelling on this for months. 

Roman stopped to think about it, ready to question Virgil's thought process, but with a sudden jolt he realized he hadn't said sorry. 

_ Okay, I think I can do that.  _ He signed hesitantly. 

He stared at the paper again, before picking up the pen and beginning to write. 

_ I don't see why I have to write this, it's so stupid _ _ Patton,  _ _ I'm sorry I guess, whatever this is stupid  _ _ I apologize for what happened at Logan's birthday.  _ _ Which was so long ago by the way _ _ I know you got upset  _ _ for no reason at all because you overreacted _ _ and I know  _ _ that everyone thinks I overreacted with what I said but I think that I _ _ I shouldn't have said what I did.  _ _ Though maybe you should've just told me that you didn't like those things and it wouldn't have been a problem _ _ I had incorrectly assumed that you were trying to cause a scene for attention.  _ _ I still think you are _ _ I don't know why I assumed this.  _ _ Because this is what I would've done _ _ I had worked so hard on making sure that everything I had done would be perfect and the food upsetting you felt like a personal attack.  _ _ It still does. _ _ Regardless, my actions were uncalled for. I'm sorry.  _

He sighed as he finished, staring at the paper; the crossed out words full of bitterness and passive aggressive anger. The weirdly formal writing that he had done to correct it. He pushed his hair out of the way before turning back to Virgil. 

_ Do I have to read it to him or give it to him?  _ He was hoping he'd just have to give it to him to read, because reading what he'd written would be salt in the wound of his already shredded pride. 

_ Read it. That's an important part.  _ His signs were calm and controlled, clearly meant to remind Roman that he needed to do the right thing. 

_ Fine.  _ His sign was snappish, perhaps a little angry. He folded up the paper and stuck it in his pocket. 

He stood up, pushing his hair around as he began to walk towards the living room in search of Patton. Patton was at the computer, squinting I'm concentration at the mahjong game in front of him. 

Roman cleared his throat. "Hey Patton?" 

Patton jumped a little, before pausing his game and turning towards Roman. "Can I help you Ro?" 

He shot Virgil a pleading glance, not wanting to read what was on the paper, but with a stern glance, he began to speak. 

"Pat, I'm sorry, err, I mean, I apologize. For Logan's birthday, I uhm, I shouldn't have." He paused and sighed, clearing his throat before he continued to read. "I shouldn't have yelled at you and made you cry. I know now, that, uh, that what I said was wrong. I had assumed some not so nice things about you, and that was wrong of me. I'm sorry." He sighed again, pushing his hair back as he tried not to sound too miserable. 

Patton stood immediately, throwing his arms around Roman in a tight hug. “Thank you Ro! That means a lot to me. Of course I forgive you.” He pecked him on the cheek as he pulled away, smiling at the pair of them softly. 

He sighed in relief this time, pulling away from Patton’s huag after a few moments. “Really? I’m glad.” He could get used to this feeling of fulfillment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for how long it took for this chapter to get out. Without getting too personal, I've been dealing a lot. School just got out, which means more free time but since it was over the internet and not regular school, I haven't been able to focus so I'm stressed about my grades. My mom is in the hospital but I have to balance out the feelings I have about her being in the hospital with the childhood trauma she's inflicted on me. Life has been a little bit of a nightmare, but that's no excuse. The story must go on! I'll try to get more chapters ASAP!
> 
> Feel free to leave comments/suggestions if you like!


	16. Chapter XIIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter, I know, I'm sorry, hopefully the next one will be longer? 
> 
> TW: mention of bugs

The next day went on as normal, no meeting in the dining room with Virgil, no forcing him to write an apology, no frustration or pain. He floated through the day without a thought of what he had said to Patton or what he might say to anyone else. He thought maybe his trial was over but the next morning bright and early, Virgil woke him up and pulled him into the dining room. 

_What now?_

_Today, you apologize to Diego._ His movements were as controlled as ever, even as he gestured towards the pen and paper on the table 

_I thought I was done!_

_No, Patton was just easy mode, so that you could get the hang of it._

_What should I apologize for?_ There was an edge of agitation, or perhaps desperation to his signs. 

_You decide, I’m sure you can figure something out._

Roman let out a loud pained groan that was mostly show before flopping down at the table. He picked up the pen and began to chew on the end of it as he tried to think of what to write. 

_I apologize Diego,_ _~~because Virgil is making me and this is all I could think of because you seemed really upset about it~~ _ _for making fun of you for having an alter who was a little_ ~~_actually you have a lot of them_~~ _and calling you a baby even when he wasn’t fronting anymore._ ~~_I still kinda think you’re a big baby, especially considering how many alters you have that are children, it’s strange isn’t it._~~ _I said some things that really hurt you because you don’t like to identify with them._ ~~_I still don’t think it’s that big of a deal but whatever_~~ _It wasn’t nice of me and I hope you can forgive me._

As soon as he was done, he reread his writing, making sure that he liked what it said. There were a few parts he had crossed out as soon as he wrote them, knowing that Virgil probably wouldn’t consider them part of a proper apology. 

_So, I guess we’ll have to wait until Diego is awake to give him the apology._ He signed very quickly, already fidgety with how long he’d been sitting there. He played with his hair a little, touching it quickly before pulling away.

He stood up, going over the fridge to look for something to eat. Heating up some rice for him and Virgil while pulling some vegan sausage out of the freezer and putting it on the griddle. He knew that eventually it will wake most of the members of the house to the smell of cooking. 

Twenty minutes in, after the rice had slightly cooled, the sausages were finished. He set the food down onto the table, looking down the hallway to see Diego, Logan and Patton hanging out vaguely in the hallway and the living room. 

“Breakfast.” He called to them, settling himself in his usual seat at the table.

The other three entered the room, getting plates and forks quickly and setting them in everyone’s normal places. Breakfast was served up and they ate in silence. Patton had opted out of both the rice and the sausage, informing them that he hadn’t added rice to the list but the grains reminded him of little bugs and he didn’t like them. He did have a few pieces of sausage but he made pancakes instead. 

As soon as they were done, and with a little urging from Virgil, he approached Diego to talk to him. 

“Hey D, uhm, I want to talk to you for a bit, can you step into the dining room with me?” 

“Sure Ro.” He followed him, confusion clear on his face as he stuck his hands in his pockets. 

As soon as they were out of earshot of the other two, and with an encouraging nod from Virgil he read what he had written, leaving out some of the parts he had scratched out. 

“I’m sorry Diego, for making fun of you when a little alter is fronting. I know you don’t like to be referred to as a baby, or treated like a child, especially when you’re fronting because it makes you uncomfortable. And I made fun of you anyway. It was very cruel of me, and I hope you can forgive me.” He crossed his arms in front of him comfortably, hoping he’d said the right thing. 

“Well thank you Roman, that means a lot to me. I don’t know if I can forgive you just yet, but I appreciate your words.” 

Instantly, he reacted to his words. “But I- -” a look from Virgil stopped him in his tracks. “That’s understandable, I hope one day we can talk more about it.” It was a tactic Roman had seen Virgil use on Diego when they had gotten into disagreements. 

“I hope we can too.” There was a warm and encouraging smile on his face, like he truly believed that Roman was on the right path. It was truly heartening for him to see, to feel that appreciated. He smiled back. 

_You did very well Roman._ Virgil signed at him, a smile on his face and his eyebrows slightly raised to express his joy. 

_Thank you._ He was practically bouncing in place at the compliment. _Who is next on the list?_

_Either Logan or a person of your choice._ His response took Roman by surprise, but Virgil didn’t want to force him to apologize to him, this was a learning exercise. 

_I think I want to apologize to my brother soon. It’d be nice to call him._ As he signed, his hands dropped slightly and his expression became thoughtful. 

There was a wistfulness to his gaze, like he missed his brother somewhat. His eyes became clouded as he started to think about all the things that came along with his brother, The general frustration of having a twin that’s nothing like you, every good time they had shared, at band practice and karaoke night, and that feeling that always burned at the back of his throat. Before, he had labeled it as fury, or maybe even the beginnings of hate, but now that he could genuinely taste it, could feel it bubbling against his tongue with the same burning hot energy as every apology he’d uttered, he could tell that it tasted like shame and maybe even regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments/suggestions!


	17. Chapter XIIIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: None? I think 
> 
> Sorry all of Roman's chapters have been so short! and before any of y'all comment about Remus' laugh, it isn't some like hidden symbol type thing, I just kin Remus and like the idea of him laughing like I do.

It took Roman several days to gather his courage enough to call his brother. He didn't sit down with Virgil and write out an apology, instead he paced. Around the kitchen he'd walk, Virgil keeping a watchful eye on him as he did so, following his movements, tracking him. 

Three days after his apology to Diego, Roman took a seat on the couch and dialed a number he hadn't called in a long time. Almost four years. Remus Castello. He wanted to video call him, because deep down he just wanted to see his twin again. 

It took Remus until the final ring to answer, leaving Roman to hold his breath in hopes that he wouldn't answer and that he could call again later and it wouldn't be a problem. 

The first thing he noticed when his brother picked up was that he was sitting in a wheelchair. He could see the handles of it framing his face. The next thing he noticed was how swallow he looked. Remus looked frail, and skinny. His hair was just a little bit too long, drooping down by his ears in a way Roman knew he hated. 

Despite the sickly look of him, Remus' voice sounded the same. Lively and loud if a bit nasally. "Ro! Nice to hear from you." 

"Hi Rem. Long time no see." His voice came out somewhat raspy. 

There was a long pause. 

“So what’s up?” 

“Oh, not much, not much at all. Virge is having me do something and I just wanted to call to clue you in.” 

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” He wiggled his eyebrows, smirking as he did so. Like he expected it to be scandalous. 

Roman took a deep breath, and then another, trying to calm himself enough that he could say it. Maybe if he spoke fast enough he would be able to get it out and over with. “I’msorrythatwhenwewerekidsIleftyoualoneandwentandplayedwiththepopularkidsthattimewewereattheparkandIlaughedatyouwiththembecauseyouhadcrutchesbecauseIthoughtthatmomanddadgaveyoutoomuchattentionandtheydidn’tcareaboutmeandI’msorryaboutthattimethatIsaidIhatedyou.”

“W-What? Ro, can you say that again? I don’t think I understood.” His face was scrunched up, and even though Roman knew that he wasn’t purposely trying to put him through agony he searched his face anyway. 

“Okya. I’m sorry about that time when we were younger when we went to play at the park and instead of playing with you I played with the popular kids and made fun of you with them. And I’m sorry that I said I hated you, I was just upset that you got more attention from mom and dad because you couldn’t do all the things that other kids could do.” He turned away from the screen as soon as he was finished. 

There was a minute of silence in which Roman glanced at the screen out of the corner of his eyes to make sure that Remus hadn’t hung up. After a while, he turned back to stare at him. 

“Thank you for saying that Ro.” he paused again. “I- - I think about that day sometimes, and I wonder if you really meant what you said. I thought you hated me for a long time.” 

“I could never hate you Rem. You’re my brother.” His voice was quiet, and teary. “Even when you made me so mad I could hurt you, I never hated you. You were my first best friend.” If he could’ve he would’ve grabbed Remus’ hand. “I love you Remus, okay?” 

“I Love you too Roman.” He smiled that goofy smirk that roman hadn’t seen in a long time. 

It made Roman smile, he hadn’t seen his brother in so long. It felt like forever, there was always that unspoken grudge, and now, it was unraveling. 

“We should call more often.” 

“Yeah. I’d like that.” He nodded his head, reaching up to move his hair at the exact time that Remus did. They laughed together, a dissonant rhythm of Roman’s somewhat warm giggle and Remus’ nasally cackle. 

There was a pause again, one that wasn’t so awkward, it was almost comfortable. The two men on the other sides of the world half-smiling at each other, their minds drifting. Then, an alarm went off. Remus snapped to attention. 

“I'll call you again soon, ‘kay Ro? That was my meds alarm.” 

“Okie dokie.” He half saluted at his brother, finished the movement with the Spanish sign for  _ I love you. _ Which his brother returned before hanging up. 

Roman sighed, before turning off his phone. He couldn’t wait to call his brother again, because deep down, he had missed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments or suggestions!


	18. Super important Authors Note!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of death

Hey guys, Sorry about this, but this story is sorta gonna be on a hiatus. I don't know how long, but probably at least another week. My mom just died and I'm not really sure how to feel or what to do. I'll see y'all as soon as I can with another chapter. Take care!


	19. Chapter XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh? I'm not dead. . . . Okay alright okay IM SORRY I got caught up in being depressed and bastardy, but I'm back now!! I've got another twoish chapters coming in hot and quick, I hope this one will suffice but they'll be following soon!

Roman only had two more people to apologize to, Virgil and Logan. He wasn’t sure how to, or when, but he needed to. A month flew by, Thanksgiving, finally, a few days before Christmas (and his birthday), it struck him. He’d never apologized for messing up Logan’s birthday, and he’d never apologized to Virgil for what had happened on Halloween. He didn’t think about writing it down, he wanted to show Virgil how far he’d come by not having to write it out. Instead he paced, and he planned and he tried to think of all the things he shouldn’t say in hopes that when he was done he’d find what he could say. 

It took him hours of just walking back and forth across the room, pacing; before he finally found he was looking for. He started to rehearse. _I apologize Virgil, for blowing up on Halloween, and making you worry about how I was doing because I stopped asking. I should’ve stopped to talk to you or Patton before I exploded, it wasn’t fair of me._ He had gone over this multiple times, cutting out his sulky side comments about them just telling what they were hiding. He fidgeted with his sleeve as he thought it over some more, he couldn’t call it perfect, a perfect apology was never sincere, but he could call it good, he could see an outcome where Virgil accepted his apology. 

Next he turned to Logan, the trickier of the two, he was unreadable to Roman, too smart and clever and reserved to ever let Roman know how he was really feeling. He was pacing again, chewing on his lip as he tried to think about what he could say. _Logan, I apologize, for uh, well messing up your birthday. I know now what I did was hurtful and I hope that I can make it up to you. I_ he broke off there, feeling the sudden shiver of overcoming emotion. He wasn’t sure why he was crying, but all of this was frustrating and painful and almost too much to bare. 

He could scream, it was all too much for him, and on top of it, he hadn’t even figured out what to get them all for Christmas. He didn’t want to think about it any more, so he darted out of his room as quickly as he could, grabbing his keys off the side table. As soon as he was at the front door, he slipped on his shoes. 

“I’m headed out!” He hollered for anyone to hear, before practically sprinting to his car and getting in. 

He drove into town, trying to make the fastest possible list of things his partners would like. He had made small things for them already, a few crocheted animals (which had been hard to hide from Patton, who shared his passion) and a handful of little things he knew they’d like, but he wanted to find them genuine things they’d each like. 

He stopped first at a craft store, and quickly found a few yarns that he knew Patton would love, buying a gift bag for them to go into. Next, he checked out Walmart, going first in search of fidget toys to add to the bag of yarn, and then in search of a few fun button ups. Even if they were novelty gifts, even if Logan didn’t truly like them, it was customary for each of them to wear or use a gift bought for them at least once. 

Before leaving Walmart, he stopped in the kitchen area and found a new, shinier mug that said World’s Best Teacher. He darted just as quickly out of Walmart as he did the craft store, his next stop required more pondering. Virgil was a little harder to pinpoint, perhaps a few books for him? He wanted something that felt personal, not just something useful. Finally, he settled on a set of books that seemed very interesting, a mix of horror and supernatural (both of which Roman knew Virgil thoroughly enjoyed), then, he stopped back in a store that he frequented. It was high fashion, and sometimes ridiculously high priced. 

It didn’t take him long to find what he was looking for, a pair of pants that matched the patches he’d sewn on Virgil’s jacket. He hunted for a while to find a pair that would fit his boyfriend’s rather slim frame, and then purchased them, folding them tightly and settling them into the bag with all the books. Before his final stop, he texted his other three boyfriends to ask what they had gotten Diego for Christmas. He didn’t want to get him anything the others had already gotten. 

Their replies put him in the all clear and quickly as he could, he raced to the electronics store. He didn’t hesitate to make the purchase, even if it was expensive. Diego deserved a small laptop he could carry around with him instead of the fifteen year old desktop computer he was using. He made sure to ask the man for a gift bag, tying it closed with a spare ribbon he found under the seat of his car. 

He raced back home, balancing his somewhat hidden gifts in his arms, since tomorrow was Christmas, he didn’t have to worry about hiding them, immediately shoving them all under the tree. He smiled at the two boyfriends that were in the living room, letting out a relaxed sigh before heading to his room. He looked back on his thought process about apologizing to Logan, and found that really his idea wasn’t too bad. He sighed, taking it for good enough, and stopping in the kitchen for a quick snack before going to his bed and taking a nap. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments or suggestions!


	20. Chapter XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH sorry, two weeks late I know, I hope the length and the fluff makes up for it.

Christmas Day dawned chilly and bright, and thanks to the excited screaming of DD, the entire house was woken up at almost the same time. DD insisted that they open at least a few presents before breakfast. Roman handed out the ones from his parents, Patton doing the same. DD didn’t wait, he tore into them with a wild smile, and the others laughed, he was happy, it was nice to see him happy. Inside, much as they had all suspected, was a crocheted blanket, Roman had learned his skills from his mother, so almost any gift she sent to them was some sort of soft crocheted item. In turn Roman had taught Patton how to crochet and they often spent chilly nights cuddled together on the couch working together. 

The second gift was from Patton’s parents, who had moved back to their old town in France, and had sent the presents over mail, inside of DD’s was a set of calligraphy pens, Patton’s mother knew that Diego was a writer, but had no idea about his condition. When DD was able to see the items included in the present there was a quick switch, and Diego was blinking somewhat confusedly at them all. 

_ Merry Christmas  _ Virgil signed at him, subtly trying to catch him up on what he’d missed. 

Diego nodded, and then looked around. “Alright, whose turn next?” 

“I’ll go!” Roman was practically shaking in excitement, he couldn’t wait to see what was inside the cleverly wrapped boxes. 

The others nodded in agreement, allowing him to tear into his gifts. The first gift from his mother was a thick cable sweater, it looked to be very soft and was a muted red color, Roman ‘s favorite. He immediately slipped it on over the t-shirt he had worn to bed. Then he opened the present from Patton’s mother. Inside he found a collection of crochet books, with a sticky note taped to the top.  _ These where Patton’s favorites, when you talk on the phone, maybe you will like them.  _ Her english was perhaps a little off, but Roman smiled nonetheless. 

Because they appeared to be going in a circle around the room, that made it Logan’s turn next. Logan opened the first gift, which he had been directed to open and found a lap blanket, one that would suit very well for curling up on the couch or in the window seat in the nook. He smiled and held it up very close to his eye, able to see that it was blue and silver, striped and plush. He wrapped it around himself with some maneuvering and then opened the next present. Inside was a tie, one of peculiar feeling, it felt almost like a brocade, thick and patterned, and perhaps horribly ugly. 

He held it closer to see what exactly it was. He found to his surprise that it wasn’t really all that ugly, but was definitely festive, it was decorated with golden roses, the fabric a rich sea green. He smiled in spite himself, it was exactly the gift he’d received from his previous ‘mother-in-law’. But he could tell this one was different, it did not come with a tag, and he had a feeling that Mrs. Faucheux had made it herself. He smiled, nodding towards Patton, who was next to him. 

Patton opened the present from Roman's family. He found a soft crocheted hat inside. It had cat ears and he couldn't help but smile and put it on immediately. He rubbed the ears as he opened the next gift from his parents. Inside he found the last thing he expected to see from home; his apron. 

He nearly burst into tears, when he'd moved back home to France for a few weeks he'd left his favorite apron there. When he came home and realized it was gone he was broken-hearted, it was his favorite apron, decorated with embroidered cupcakes and cookies. He let out a genuine shriek of happiness and held it close. It smelled like fresh bread and he held it to his face, remembering all the good memories tied to the apron. 

“Your turn Virgie.” He said, giving Roman a small look. Roman quickly translated it for him and Virgil gave a nod. 

The first gift he opened was a sweater. His sweater was striped black and purple, his favorite colors. He wiggled into it, slipping his hands back down the sleeves for a moment to flap them around before opening the next gift. The gift from Patton’s mother was heavy, surprisingly so, and when he opened it up he found two books. One was a fiction novel, a who-dun-it. He smiled, flipping the book over and quickly reading the synopsis on the back. Then he picked up the next book. It was a book on French sign language. That was what had weighed the box down so heavily, the book was huge, both length and width wise. 

He marvelled at the book, he’d always wanted to learn a foreign language, and now, the opportunity was in front of him. He smiled, and made a note to write to Patton’s mother and thank her. 

“I think we should save these gifts for later tonight, and instead begin our feasting, and the celebration of Roman’s birthday.” Logan leaned out to talk to Virgil directly, giving him the opportunity to read his lips, while the others could hear him instead. 

Diego and Patton got up, heading into the kitchen to get out dishes, barring Roman from helping so he couldn’t see the cake Patton had made. 

“Hey Logan, uh Virge? Can you hang back a sec, I want to say something.” He chewed on his knuckle, looking nervous. 

Logan caught Virgil’s sleeve to pull him back, nodding in the direction of where he was sure Roman was. Roman cleared his throat. 

“Uh, Logan, I- - I want to apologize for what happened at your birthday. I was way out of line, it was your special day and I shouldn’t have made a fuss like I did.” He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut tightly before speaking again. “If there’s something I can do to make it up to you, please let me know.” He ruffled his own hair, turning to give Virgil a look. 

Virgil, who had caught most of what he said gave him a small thumbs up and a smile.

Logan’s face was blank for a moment, then his eyebrows furrowed and he cleared his throat. “Tha-that was very kind of you Roman, I assure you that it is resolved now. I accept your apology.” He smiled, opening his arms slightly as if to offer him a hug. 

Roman leapt at the opportunity to take a hug from his generally stoic boyfriend, smiling as he did so. He distangled himself after a few moments, and smiled at Virgil. He shakes his fingers, like he’s preparing for something big. 

_ Virgil, I’m Sorry about what happened on Halloween. I had no right to freak out on Patton the way that I did and I know I worried you when I didn’t answer my phone. I hope we can figure it out. I love you.  _ He tried to balance an expression between sympathy and apologeticness. 

_ It’s alright Roman, thank you for apologizing, and I accept your apology.  _ His signs were controlled, but he was smiling. As soon as he was done he opened his arms to offer him a hug. 

Roman hugged him forcefully, burying his face in his chest and trying not to cry. It had been so  _ hard _ to do these apologies, to admit his own wrongdoings, but he felt so proud of himself. He pulled away, righting himself. 

“Let’s go see if we’re reading to eat brunch yeah?” He signed as he spoke, looking at both of them. 

They agreed, heading into the dining room, to see plates of breakfast and lunch foods laid out, with a cake in the middle. 

“We’re having cake with lunch and then we were thinking about going out window shopping before coming home for dinner and presents!” Patton was practically bouncing. “I know this place that has the best bread and they’re open today!” His smile was bright and glowy, almost outshining his hair. “But for now! Sit down everyone, sit down!” 

They ate their feast with gusto, laughing, joking, telling stories. It wasn’t just about Christmas, It was Roman’s birthday too. The most momentous part of course was when Remus called in to wish him a happy birthday. He was on call for most of the meal, telling embarrassing stories about their childhood, with Roman pitching in to straighten out details. 

He even told some stories about Remus, tears brimming in his eyes from laughing so hard. Finally, they cut the cake, making sure to get plenty of pictures of Roman blushing as they sang to him. It was a perfect cake, Roman's second favorite flavor (his first being too sweet for Logan's taste and he insisted they all had to have some cake) his favorite color of icing, it was perfect. 

They went out a few hours after that, picking up from lunch and bundling up in warm coats and hats. They live in Arizona, so it didn't snow or anything but it could be bitterly cold and no one wanted to get sick. After bundling up and heading out the cars, the boys drove into town, parking towards the end of the street. Logan made sure Stella's snow booties were secured and fastened on her vest. She'd gotten a training vest so people could tell why she was with them. 

She walked along with Logan, aside from the occasional pulls and her interest in all the lights around, she did an excellent job. They walked along the sidewalks, looking at all of the windows, describing things out like quietly to Logan, it was a magical day, full of beautiful displays, twinkling lights and cool Christmas air. The sky was clear and a cold blue, the sun pale but out. 

Soon they came upon the bakery Patton was so excited about, finding the place warm and smelling fragrantly of bread. The baker greeted Patton with a friendly holler and a smile. Patton directed them towards a booth, making sure they were all seated before he got up.

“Joan, hey Joan!” Patton greeted his friend behind the register. “Can I get some of your raisin bread for Lo, and uh,” He counted on his fingers really quickly, “four cinnabuns for me and the rest of my boyfriends?”

“Coming right up Pattycake!” The cheerful baker smiled, giving him a nod as they began to open the glass display case. 

Soon Joan was handing him a bag of baked goods, “Your total comes to $22.43.” They smiled and took the $25 dollars Patton handed them, smiling even wider when he shoved the change in the tip jar. 

Patton sat down at the table, handing out the food he grabbed and beginning to eat his own cinnabun. They chatted some more, smiling and laughing, before heading back out into the cold. 

“We should be heading home soon, yeah? More presents to open and dinner waiting!” Diego looked around at all of them, Finishing his bun with a smile. “Maybe we’ll stop to get hot chocolate on our way!” 

There were cheers of agreement, and the group called and signed their thanks to Joan, heading out the door in a bustle. They made their way back to the car, deciding to wait until they were home and then make hot chocolate. They drove home listening to Christmas music, singing and howling at the top of their lungs to the words. It was magical, all any of them could do was smile at each other. 

It didn’t feel like long for them to get home, and soon they were all bustling out of the car and back into the house, drawing their coats around them to fight the cold. As soon as they were inside they hung up their coats. They went to their respective rooms, bundling into some warmer clothes and settling down next to the tree. 

“Presents first or dinner?” 

_ Presents.  _ Virgil’s eyes glittered, like he knew something the others didn’t 

“Dinner.” Diego stood up, like he was preparing to head into the kitchen. 

“I agree with Diego.” Logan stood up as well. 

“C’mon Virge,” Patton turned to face him. “Presents can wait.” 

_ Fine.  _ He didn’t look happy about it, but he got up, heading into the dining room with the rest of his boyfriends. 

They ate the feast Patton had prepared, toasting to each other and laughing, they told stories, recounting their own first Christmases and sharing family traditions. It was a jolly occasion. Even when Roman accidentally dumped his hot chocolate in his lap he still laughed and had a good time. Finally, they had the food put away, table wiped off and Roman changed into clean dry pants. 

Finally, they retired to the living room. They were all seated in their favorite places, Logan, Patton, and Diego on the couch, with Virgil and Roman sitting in the chairs on either side. 

“Logan opens his gifts first, and uhh, Roman has to go last because his main gift was a joint present.” Patton directed them with ease, indicating who would go when. 

Like he was directed, Logan went first, unwrapping the small pile of gifts passed his way. Inside he found a few audiobooks from Patton, the one that interested him the most was a physics book, the fun button-ups and mug from Roman (plus the crocheted elephant he handed him), a very nice wallet and chain from Virgil and a new harness and some treats for Stella from Diego. He thanked them quietly, clutching the items to his chest and trying to memorize their feel. 

Diego went next, uncovering a beautiful soft leather journal from Logan, a large patchwork quilt from Patton, and the new nice clothes from Virgil. He eyed them with interest, they were things he had been mooning over last time they went shopping, expensive clothing, with fancy tags. He felt his eyes tearing up slightly. He opened his final gift from Roman, and genuinely began to cry. A brand new laptop; and tucked in the bottom, a crocheted duck for DD. He had to clench his jaw tightly so he wouldn’t burst into tears. He knew that his boyfriends had heard about his lack of Christmas growing up, the many foster homes he lived in weren’t very cheery. Patton offered him a sympathetic pat. 

Next was Virgil’s turn. He dug into the presents with wild abandon, looking like a child as he did so. The gift from Logan included a few ties that matched Virgil’s tendency towards dark clothing and a book that he knew was from Logan's own shelf, there was an inscription inside that almost brought him to tears. It was clear from the handwriting that Logan had asked Diego to write it. He smiled. The next thing he pulled out was Roman’s gift, finding the stack of books, crocheted spider,  _ Nightmare Before Christmas  _ poster and pair of pants that matched his jacket, oddly endearing. He offered him a smile and signed a thank you. Patton’s gift was a large quilted blanket, several different purple squares had been incorporated, including a few from the material of his jacket and his favorite shirt that he had outgrown. Inside Diego’s gift to him, he found another stack of books, he’d have reading material until summer, and a very beautiful silver pocket watch. 

Patton went next, bouncing with excitement. If possible, Patton somehow resembled a child even more than Virgil did. The gift from Logan that he opened contained a few books on knitting (including fancy patterns and helpful tips) some knitting needles, and more yarn to add to his growing collection. He clapped in excitement at them, smiling even wider when he noticed the very soft looking sweater laying at the bottom of the bag. Next, he opened Roman’s gift to him, he began to stim in excitement, flapping his hands and bouncing in his seat as he examined the bag of stimming toys and more yarn. Virgil’s gift included new bakeware and piping tips. There were several new recipe books; which excited Patton greatly. Finally, Diego’s gift, which included even more new sweaters (which he knew he’d wear a lot) and a mug that said  _ Number One Dad.  _

“Merci! Merci!.” Patton flapped a little while more, not aware that he’d spoken in french. 

Virgil and Logan, who were the closest of his boyfriends, leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. They adored Patton, his happiness brought them their own joy. 

It took him several minutes to calm down, and when he did, he seemed a little embarrassed. “Oh, uh, sorry.” He sucked on his sleeve for a few moments. “Thank you, all of you.” He smiled 

They smiled back at him, it was a shared moment of affection, and Patton’s face was starting to heat up with all the love directed his way. “Uh Roman, it’s your turn. A-and I’m sorry you don’t have quite the same as we do.” Patton began to chew on his sleeve again. 

Patton was right, as Roman looked under the tree he found that there were only three presents for him, though he noticed one of them was rather large. He opened the smallest of them first, finding a beautiful gold pendant inside. He clipped it on immediately, smiling at Diego as he held it close to his heart. The next gift was from Virgil and contained a stack of crochet pattern books and a horribly festive sweater. He could see the smirk sent his way and knew that this was more of a novelty gift than anything else. Finally, he slid onto the floor to open the last gift. It was large and somewhat heavy and very awkward. He couldn’t even begin to guess what was inside. 

He waited just a moment, a pause of tension before he tore into it. Inside was a large box, which he opened with the help of Diego’s pocket knife. It felt like his heart stopped when he saw what was inside. 

“A guitar?!” He almost began to cry as he opened the case of the beautiful guitar. He held it tenderly in his hands, beginning to tune and strum the guitar. “Is this what you were hiding from me on Halloween?” 

Patton nodded, offering him a hesitant smile. “Do you like it?” 

“No.” Roman watched Patton’s face drop. “I love it. I love you. All of you! I love you all so much.” He smiled softly, tenderly. “Merry Christmas my loves.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions!


	21. Author's note and content warning!

I suppose I have to give my usual in between character arcs author's note huh? 

Are you guys aware that the Google doc containing this story so almost 80 pages long?!! Like?!!! AHHH! Thanks for following along you guys, and reading, and commenting and giving me that sweet sweet writer validation. And it's over 30,000 words long!!!!! 

On a sadder note, we're about six chapters from the end. From the good-bye; it's hurting me. I'll try hard to make those six chapters worth it, and maybe if y'all are interested I could throw in a few one shots for these boys. 

Speaking of those last six chapters, we've got some heavy content coming soon so please be aware that these triggering topics will be Included: 

Blood/gore  
Murder  
Abuse  
Neglect  
Abandonment issues  
Swearing  
Substance abuse  
Father figure issues  
Suicidal thoughts


	22. Chapter XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING THIS CHAPTER COULD BE POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING

Roman brought out his guitar later that night with a smile, tuning it to his taste as he held it in his hands. There was a moment, where it seemed like he was trying to decide on a song. He strummed the beginnings of a few different songs before settling on one. He strummed a somewhat familiar tune, his voice joining the notes a few seconds later. 

_ “Hey Jude, don’t make it bad. Take a sad song, and make it better.”  _ Roman’s voice was a little bit deeper than Paul McCartney’s.  _ “Remember to let him into your heart. Then you can start to make it better.”  _

Diego had been smiling in enjoyment when Roman had brought out his guitar, but as the song had begun to play, his eyes started to glaze. There was a look of fear, but it was distant and glassy, his head started to droop. He leaned forward in his seat, trying to steady himself, his chin coming to rest against his chest as he clenched his eyes closed. 

_ “Hey Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin. Then you begin to make it better.”  _ Roman continued his song, unaware of the behavior occurring just a few feet to the right of him. 

Diego started to lean a little, muttering to himself as several different alters tried to front, only to become as equally startled by the song as he was. Finally, an alter stepped up, one that Decan barely recognized. 

She was not in control very well, in fact she could hardly consider what she was doing to be control at all. Janus stumbled over the side of the couch, hitting the floor with a thump. Distantly did she feel the pain, too focused on getting away, out of sight.  _ Dad can’t hurt us if we’re not here, if we hide he can’t see us, if we’re gone he can’t hurt us. He can’t see us and we’ll be okay.  _

_ “ _ _ And anytime you feel the pain. Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your should- -.” _

“Ro!” 

He wasn’t sure which one shouted, but he stopped playing and turned towards what the rest of them had been looking at, the top of D’s head peeping from above the armrest of the chair. 

Janus was huddled on the floor, back against the side of the couch. She was huddled down away from them all. Roman had stopped, but the damage had been done. 

_ The couch is cold against my back. And I can hear mama screaming. Dad put his vinyl on, his favorite one, a Beatles one, the cover had them all on it. It was dad’s favorite because it had some of his favorite songs on it. But he had started drinking. And now he was mad. Mama had done something she shouldn’t have. I don’t know what, just something. And dad had gotten mad. And he was yelling, and mama was crying and that song was playing, the one about Jude and about feeling better, the one with all the na-na’s that mama liked.  _

_ I huddled more against the couch, because Mama had quieted down and there was a shadow on the wall, dad was looking for me. He came around the corner, stumbling and muttering. He saw me, and he knelt down. Dad didn’t look mean, there wasn’t anger in his eyes like normal and his face was only a little rosy. He had scratches on his face.  _

_ “Hey buddy.” He, opening his arms.  _

_ “Dad.” I hugged him tight, he smelled gross. “I’m scared.”  _

_ “Of what?” There was an edge to his tone now, something darker.  _

_ “Of you.” I said it as quietly as I could because I was scared.  _

“Diego? D are you okay? Can you hear me?” Roman kneeled in front of him, he had been told not to touch him but maybe talking to him would help to pull him out of it, Logan had referred to it as a PTSD flashback, and had instructed him on what not to do. Virgil was going to go get Stella, so that she could help to create a physical sensation that would draw him out. 

_ He pulled me in tighter, almost too tight, I felt like my lungs weren’t working. “I’d never hurt you buddy, I love you.”  _

_ “But don’t you love mama?”  _

_ “Your mother was bad, but you aren’t bad, you're such a good kid, you’re going to grow up to be so big and strong and handsome.” he picked me up. “C’mon buddy, let’s get you to bed, so that you can grow up so big and strong.”  _

_ He carried me to my room. It looked like him and mama had been painting because there was red all over the wall and carpet. Mama was on the floor. She wasn’t moving. Dad stepped over her like she wasn’t there. I was scared.  _

_ “Diego.” She murmured. Her eyes were blurry, and she couldn’t move anything else. She looked like she was in pain. “Diego.” She said it louder, her lips drawing back and her teeth were bloody, and mama was hurt.  _

“Diego?” Roman tried not to huddle too close but he was worried. Virgil returned with Stella, who pushed through them to reach Diego. She put her head against his, and his brow furrowed. 

She touched her, her eyes focusing more on the group huddled around him. “Who’re you?” There was an edge of both panic and anger in her tone, her voice was a few octaves higher. 

“I’m Roman, this is Patton, Virgil and Logan. The dog’s name is Stella. Who are you? How are you feeling?” 

“Janus, and I feel like shit.” She sat up more fully. “Give a girl some room.” It wasn’t a playful statement, more of a demand, with a slight sneer at the end. Despite her angry expression, there was fear in her eyes, like she was trapped. 

Roman immediately shuffled backwards, but apparently that wasn’t far enough for Janus because she shoved him with all her force backwards and jumped to her feet. She seemed like a caged animal, rushing out of the room with the recklessness of someone who didn’t know where they were going but away. There was a door slamming, and then several seconds later, a scream. A bloody scream that echoed down the hallway in the same way laughs often had. A scream that caused three of the four boys in the room to jump and flinch, turning towards the noise. 

The air hung heavy with it’s silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions


	23. Chapter XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? updating at 11:30 at night? hah absolutely

Over the next few days, it seemed that Janus fronted the most. She didn’t talk to any of the boys unless she had to, and she had taken to sleeping on the couch. In the first few days, Patton and had tried to talk to Diego several times, only to receive a blunt 

_ “He’s dormant, leave the dude alone.”  _

Virgil briefly brought up therapy to her but she practically went for Virgil’s throat when he said that. It wasn’t brought up again. Janus was foully tempered, referred to Diego’s boyfriends by their favorite colors and adamantly refused to even reach out to Diego. 

There came a day, where Roman came out into the living room to find that there wasn’t anyone on the couch. It was bare. He turned quickly on his heel. 

“V, Lo, Pat! Guys!” He was panicking slightly, the thought of losing Diego weighing on his mind, he didn’t even think to consider that Virgil couldn’t hear him. 

In less than a minute, Patton came barrelling down the hallway, practically dragging Virgil and Logan along with him. Patton and Virgil took in the empty couch with concern. Logan however simply tilted his head to the side in confusion. 

“Is something going on, am I missing something? What are you all looking at?” 

  
  


“Janus is uh, gone.” Roman was rocking slightly in his spot, his eyes focused on the emptiness of the couch. “Wait! There’s a note, maybe, uh, maybe she’ll be back.” His voice cracked on the end of the sentence. 

He picked up the note, unfolding it; there was a scent to it that Roman recognized from fancy cooking classes,  _ alcohol _ . He wrinkled his nose and began to read aloud. “Hey ya’ll, uh, The others made me write this, I just wanted to leave. I don’t want to be around you all, considering I don’t know you, and fuck that man, but uh DD and Dallas tell me to tell the purple one that they love him, and they’re working on getting Diego up, which I’m working on shutting down. Leave the damn man alone, anyway, take care, don’t expect to hear from me again, I’m heading back home to Texas, eventually.” Roman’s hand shook. 

At the moment, Janus was sitting in a motel in a nearby town. She’d gotten Diego’s car out of the garage. It was an old Cadillac, rarely used. The motel was trashed, cans of cheap beer thrown all over the floor, the bed unmade. Most distressingly, glass from the screen of the computer Roman gave Diego. 

She kicked the now broken computer out of her way as she flipped on the TV. She was scowling, pushing hair out of her face. The first thing that came up when she turned on the TV was TLC. She didn’t bother to change it as she dealt with the other things she’d brought with her; a set of clippers, some clothes and a wallet full of cash. She went into the bathroom, and plugged the clippers in, putting on the shortest blade the set contained. She began to shave her head, watching herself in the mirror. It wasn’t a particularly hard job, Diego had kept his hair mostly short, clean cut and neat. 

She finished shaving it in a number of minutes. She turned her head to the side and stared at herself in the mirror. There was a pressure behind her eyes and she wanted to curse herself for being an idiot, but unfortunately she didn’t have it together enough to think full sentences. She closed her eyes. Which only made it worse. 

_ Diego frowned unhappily at himself. It was the day before third grade and he was distraught. His father had decided he needed a haircut; however being the drunkard that he was; he had severely misjudged his ability to cut hair. Now Diego’s head was scarred and scraped, the fuzz still clinging to his scalp had only managed to stay because there weren’t any guards short enough.  _

_ He was sniffling, dad had taught him to never ever cry because he wasn’t a baby, but he was still upset. He missed his hair, it had been nice, and fluffy and his mama had liked it.  _

_ He wasn’t supposed to think about mama anymore, dad had gone away for a while and his aunty from Houston had moved in. He didn’t know why, why mama was gone or the man in blue who’d talked to him or why dad had gone away. But dad came back and had cut his hair. He wasn’t even supposed to talk about mama. Sometimes he talked to her, about school or dinner or anything. He talked to her in his head, talked to lots of people in his head.  _

Decan opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror, cursing Janus as he noticed the shaved head and unfamiliar surroundings. He stumbled around, looking somewhat for their phone or an indication of where they were. 

There! On the bed, thrown down. He stepped around the broken computer,fighting back the tears that welled in his eyes.  _ A gift. She ruined a gift from our loves.  _ He grabbed the phone, four missed calls and three texts from Patton, twelve missed calls from Roman, a single; long, angry text from Virgil, a few missed calls from Logan. He swore under his breath and dialed Patton.

He answered on the first ring. “Diego? Decan? DD? Hey, hey baby, hi there.” He sounded panicked. 

“It’s Decan, hi pattycake.” He smiled. “Get the boys, I’m not sure how long I can keep Janus out of the fronting room.” already he could feel a headache forming.

There was some shuffling, muffled voices, slight confusion then, “Alright, we’re here.” 

“Okay. I love all of you. Diego, DD, Drake, Dallas, Dorian; we all love you. Take care of yourselves alright? We, we need to figure some things out. Janus willing, I’ll try to write you guys. A-and we’ll be home? Don’t forget that, we’ll be home. I’ve got to go. I’m sorry.” 

He hung up before they could argue. He sat down on the bed, because there was no point fighting Janus at this point, he’d said his piece, he’d tied up loose ends, all that was left was finding a way to get home. But not now. Not with Janus no longer dormant. He sighed, and threw himself backwards and allowed Janus to have the fronting room back. 

Janus didn’t sit up. She didn’t move, she could feel the weariness of the body. She closed her eyes as she laid down, allowing herself to fall into a restless sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave comments and suggestions!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys scared? There's only three chapters left after this one! Also NOTE: the following chapters may not be perfectly accurate to DID, I do not have dissociative identity disorder and no matter how much research I do my portrayal may not be entirely accurate in the following chapters.

Decan sat down quickly. They’d been traveling for days, barely stopping to eat or sleep. Janus had made sure they made it back to Texas. Now they were staying at another crappy and cheap motel. He growled under his breath. Janus had already made sure to block the numbers of his loves; but maybe she hadn’t removed their emails quite yet. 

They hadn’t sent emails to each other since the beginning of their relationship nearly two years ago. Decan paused to consider the date, January 23. It had been two years and six days since they’d begun dating. He winced as he realized he’d missed their anniversary. If Diego was awake he would’ve cried. 

Diego. 

Decan blinked back a moment of dissociation. He needed to focus, to write quickly to the boys before Janus could stop him. 

￣

The computer dinged with an email and Patton nearly burst into tears. It was Diego’s job to check inboxes. Diego’s job to keep up with their correspondences. Diego’s job to fill the house with the cheerful clicking of keys. 

Roman got up from the couch. They’d been lounging for a long time. Life couldn’t go on, not without their missing boy. Their missing piece. 

He checked the email, and let out a mix between a wail and a whoop. He was so absolutely delighted.  _ An email from Decan! But he could already tell it was bad news, why couldn’t he text? What was wrong? What was happening.  _ He opened it slowly and carefully. 

“Dearest boys. I am so terribly sorry for the grief I must’ve caused you. You must know by now that Janus has taken over as our host. She is always there, always watching. She’s moved us back to Texas and now I’m not sure what I can do. I’m trying to wake Diego, but I know that dormant alters are terribly difficult to wake. I’m sorry I missed our anniversary. I hope I’ll be able to make it up. Please don’t email me back or she’ll catch on faster. I’ve got to go, I can already feel Janus fighting. I love you.” Roman turned off the computer and sighed.

“He’s gone.” Patton sighed, leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes. 

Virgil got up and walked over to the computer to read the text, he had mostly been able to read his lips, but he needed to check. As soon as he was done, he sat next to Patton and pulled him against his chest. 

He looked to Roman for something to say, before signing slowly and carefully  _ How are we to go on without him?  _

Roman didn’t have an answer.

￣

There was never another email, it seemed as though they’d lost Diego forever, but on March seventeenth, Roman rushed into their home with a letter in hand and a grin on his face. Patton and Virgil were sitting on the floor, working together carefully. Virgil had been teaching Patton sign language for nearly a month now. It was a slow process, but Patton was starting to pick up more and more. 

_ Roman! _ He finger spelled the name carefully, the excitement on his face adding to his words.  _ Today is Funeral seventeenth _

Roman paused at the sign, finding it oddly fitting, but Virgil was quick to correct him, showing the difference between March and Funeral, showing him to hold his hand flat rather than in a y shape. He also quickly corrected his mistake when he signed  _ yellow _ instead of  _ I love you. _ Roman smiled as he watched them. 

“I think that’s enough practice for the moment.” He spoke and signed, joining them on the floor as he opened the letter they had received. 

“It’s from Decan again.” He showed them the envelope, which was decorated not only with several stamps but with a few quickly scrawled notes. “He says Dallas and DD included some artwork for us to put on the fridge.” 

Logan stepped out of the kitchen as he heard them talking. “The fridge is starting to look bare without them around.” He joined them on the rug, crossing his legs under him as he sat down. “Read it to us Roman.” He urged quietly. 

“Dearest boys, 

I’m sorry that this letter is reaching you so late. Janus has done her very best to remove every form of communication from our phone, your numbers, emails and social medias have all been blocked and removed. The one thing she couldn’t take away from me was your address. Which I will always remember, for it is my home too. There may be some inconsistencies in my writing, for I will have to spread this out over several days to make sure that she doesn’t catch on to my writing. 

We are still in Texas, and we’ve found a new job, we work for the motel that we’re staying at, they seem to need a handyman. I’m working as hard as I can. I have a plan as to how to get Diego out of dormancy, and how to get rid of Janus, but it will all have to wait until I can put my plan into action. Until then, please take care. I hope the art that DD and Dallas included makes you smile, try not to cry too much because of us. We’ll see you soon.

We love you all very very much,

SystemD.” 

The living room was quiet as he finished, but each of the boys were thinking of the same thing. The way that Diego would come home to them, and when he would. It was a silent conviction, each of them believed he would be back because he loved them. They hoped that Decan could do his best to bring their love back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments/suggestions!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhh only two more! Once again, same warning as last time applies!

Decan was used to the daily grind by now, wake up, try to make sure that the littles stayed out of the control room, get dressed, go to work, come home and allow Janus to take over. He’d been using his time in the inner wisely. With Janus in charge, that normally meant that he was free to roam. He spent most of his time looking for Diego. Though their inner world mostly looked like Diego’s childhood home, it was vast. With what felt like never ending hallways and basements that shouldn’t exist. Decan knew that somewhere, tucked away, he would find Diego. 

In the inner, Decan was a tall man, with long black hair, and golden eyes. Normally, he was in charge of wrestling the littles into bed and making sure they weren’t drawing on the walls. However, he’d passed that responsibility off to a different alter to go in search of Diego again. 

He started on the top floor, making sure to make a careful sweep of every room. He started in the room that closely resembled Diego’s parent’s bedroom, searching under the bed and in closets, digging around in nooks and crannies in hopes of finding him. He didn’t find him, there didn’t even appear to be a trace of him. He moved down to the ground floor, searching slowly through each room. But there was nothing, there was never anything. He was beginning to get frustrated. Every day he took the same path, every day he searched a little harder for Diego, but he knew, just like Janus did that if he didn’t want to be found he wouldn’t be. 

His next stop was the basement, which was considerably harder to search, it sort of wound around and around digging deeper and deeper. Here was where Diego’s trauma was. Decan was afraid that if he found him here he would never be the same. He couldn’t find him there either. He was about to retrace his steps and check to make sure he hadn’t missed a hallway when he felt his skin begin to tingle. He was needed in the fronting room. 

When he arrived, Janus was slumped forward in her chair holding onto her head. He shook her firmly, trying to pull her away from the memory. She was a trauma holder, but often she did a poor job of dealing with the trauma she held. He could see why she had been dormant for so long. He took control of the body, co-conning with Janus as he waited for her to regain her senses. As she floundered around in the memory he searched for the cause of it, trying to reassure her as she struggled to fight the memories. 

It didn’t take long for Decan to figure it out, it was the TV, a movie was on, a cover of a Beatles song playing. It appeared to be Blackbird, a song that Decan had been careful to avoid for several reasons. He could guess the memory that Janus was trying to fight off, he remembered it vaguely. Or at least he remembered that the song could be very dangerous to their system. 

Co-conning with Janus had its effect, soon the memory was taking over him as well as he struggled to shut off the TV. 

_ Mama and dad were fighting again in the other room, Mama screaming in her native spanish. Words that Diego barely understood. She had promised to teach him spanish, to show him all of the words and teach him to speak just like they had at home.  _

_ “¡Te odio!” Her voice was hoarse from screaming. “Te odio usted hombre desgraciado.”  _

_ There was the sound of blows and of fighting and Diego curled more into his bed. They had been enjoying a nice dinner for once, Mama had made his favorite food pupusas. His dad had put on the record with the song about the bird on it, which was his favorite. Dinner had been going well, his mother and father laughing as he chattered about his time outside at the playground.  _

_ Then, the disaster struck, his mother knocked over her wine into his father’s lap. For a moment, his dad laughed, and Diego hoped that meant he didn’t have to hide. But then his father’s hand slammed down on the table and Diego knew better. He hopped down from his chair, scurrying into the living room. This is what he was expected to do. He squatted down behind the couch as he waited to hear which direction they headed. He heard them in the kitchen, his mother’s voice rising in anger and fear. He hurried up the stairs into his room, crawling under the bed and huddling down.  _

_ There was more screaming, though now he’d clamped his hands over his ears and he couldn’t hear what they were saying. He pulled the blanket off of his bed, wrapping it around himself and trying to fall asleep under his bed.  _

_ He’s almost asleep when his parents come in. His mother’s face is bruised, her nose looks possibly broken. His father’s face is clawed up and his knuckles broken. He crawled out from under his bed, making sure to seem like he wasn’t afraid. He didn’t want his father to be mad at his mother for ‘scaring’ him. They both kissed him goodnight and tucked him in, and he fell asleep before they could continue to scream.  _

The ending of the memory shook Decan from the stupor, allowing him to shake Janus. He can see in her eyes that she’s still far away in that memory. He turns off the TV quickly, and then slumps back against the bed. He speaks to Janus in the inner. 

“Janus. It is March now. We’re adults now. Janus.” He sits beside her, not touching her, but talking firmly. “Janus listen to me.” 

She blinks at him, seeming annoyed by him. “Leave me alone Decan. I know you’re trying to get rid of me.” 

“No.” His tone is thoughtful. “I don’t like you; Janus you’re quite aware I don’t like you. But we’re a system. We’re supposed to work together for the good of the body. Now you need to snap out of it. The memory isn’t now. You’re somewhere else.” 

She tilts her head at him, “A system? T-together?” 

  
  


“Janus we’re headmates. We can’t get rid of each other. Diego needs you just as much as he needs me.” He didn’t add that thanks to Janus there wasn't any Diego anymore but she could guess that clear enough.

She nodded thoughtfully, pushing a hand through her graying hair. She seemed to be thinking mulling something over. Finally, she spoke. "I see. Well Decan, I'll think on that. Now go, you've got littles to wrestle into bed." 

Decan knew better than to argue with her, so he went to put DD and Dallas to bed. 

A week or so passed, and though Janus was still adamant about not contacting any of Diego's boyfriend, she did start listening to the others on occasion. She stopped shaving the body's head and allowed hair to grow back. She allowed DD to have his duck back and even allowed Decan to front more than just at work. 

Though she was still tyrannical, unpredictable and grouchy, she was managing the system better than Diego had. Diego had been ashamed of his alters, especially the littles, but Decan's chat with her seemed to help. 

Approximately two weeks after their chat, Janus called on Decan again. 

"You talked about what's best for the system. For _ us _ . I know that you guys do not like me. And I can't help that. But what can I do? Give it to me straight Decan, no sparing my feelings." 

"Janus, I don't know what you know about systems. Or about all of us but you're a trauma holder. As much as I wish Diego was able to process this trauma you have, as much as I wish all of us didn't have to be here. It can't be helped." 

"So you think because of all the bad stuff I got I should go away?" Her tone was clearly resistant to the idea. 

"No. But I don't think you should be our host. I think we need Diego back." 

"I think I agree with you. The problem is I don't know where he is either.” She drew her knees to her chest. “I- - I think I’m going to go into the inner, try and sort out some of the things Diego doesn’t remember. I’m leaving you in charge. But don’t count me out okay? I’m not going dormant, you’re not getting rid of me, you still have to include me in important situations. But if you want to find Diego and go. . . home then you can.” 

Diego nodded slowly. “Okay, alright, thank you Janus. Stay safe okay? You know where to find me, I’m always here to help.” 

Janus nodded absently. “Okay, no more mushy mushy, go get DD out of the fronting room and take care of our body okay?” 

“I will. Take care Janus.” He got up, going to the fronting room to corral the littles and take control. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments/suggestions


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this may not be a perfect representation of DID, this is a work of fiction and though I've tried to be mostly factual, some information was difficult to obtain

Everyday after work, and after working on another letter to send to the boys, Decan would allow Dallas to front while he searched for Diego. As much as the others were trying, Decan had a feeling none of them would really make good hosts. Even he didn’t think he’d be able to handle it. 

He was starting off down another hallway, one that was unfamiliar yet strangely haunting. There were drawings on the wall, and he wondered if they belonged to young Diego or DD. A noise reached his ears, he paused to listen. It was faint and muffled but he was just able to make it out. 

_ Hey Jude / Don’t make it bad / Take a sad song and make it better  _

He froze uncomfortably, feeling his heartbeat pick up. He hoped that meant what he thought he did. Despite the fact that every muscle in his body was screaming at him to turn around and run away, he headed for the noise regardless. 

_ Remember to let her into your heart / Then you can start to make it better _

The noise seemed to come the loudest from a room with a shut door. Decan was happy to find the door was unlocked but not so happy to find that the room was empty. He searched thoroughly, opening up the wardrobe against the wall and digging under the bed but Deigo was nowhere. 

He sighed, pushing his hair back. He stopped to listen: 

__

_ Na, na, na, na-na-na, na / Na-na-na, na / Hey Jude.  _

He walked around the room slowly. In the corner near the door he could barely hear the song, there was almost nothing to it, but as he approached the window. It got louder. He paused and titled his head to the side. There was nothing outside that window, he knew that just as well as any other alter did. He walked past the window, to the left of it, it seemed to get slightly quieter; but to the right it was louder. 

_ Sing it, Jude, sing it / Oh, oh, oh, whoa _

He paused to stand in front of the wardrobe. It was thick and heavy, looking much like the wardrobe from the Narnia books. Decan took a few steps back to look at it again. 

He could see something ringing around the Wardrobe, almost like it was set into a groove. Or in front of a doorway. He tilted his head to the side, _ surely it wouldn’t. _ But he was correct, there was a doorway behind the wardrobe. He pushed aside the wardrobe, pulling and grunting as he strained to remove the heavy wooden furniture piece. 

Eventually, he was able to move it; pulling the piece out enough to get behind it and push. Soon he had room to get behind the wardrobe, fully pushing it out of the way of the door. With enough wiggling and a few muttered swear words, Decan was able to get the door open. The music hadn’t stopped, rather the song had started back over from the beginning, seemingly on an endless loop of misery. 

The door was hard to push, easily blocked by thick dark carpeting. Decan realized with a shiver that the carpet was reminiscent of the carpet one of Diego’s foster parents had had. It would appear that Diego had descended into a part of his mind filled with bad memories. Decan could remember on more than one occasion almost falling down these stairs, and the one time he had. Diego had been pushed by one of the other boys living in the house, which had resulted in a broken leg. The boy had endlessly tormented him in that house. 

Decan had to fight against the memories that tried to overwhelm him, the rancid smell of the boy’s breath, the feeling of the hard stairs underneath the carpet. The endless bruises from months of torment. Decan tried to focus on the memory of running away; of fleeing into the darkness and being taken to a new foster home. 

His mind cleared, and he found himself leaning against the papered wall. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, trying to rub away the memories and the exhaustion. He kept walking, struggling past the constant onslaught of memories. The fingerpainting on the wall that he had been blamed for but had belonged to his cousin. The sudden shift to a wood paneled wall, so reminiscent of his fourth foster home, the one with the screeching children and blubbering drunk woman. There were alcohol stains in the carpet, and bloody smears on the wall. 

_ You brat! You nearly ruined my Beatles record.” His father’s voice bellowed from the hallway. Followed by a scream from his mother. “Stop your crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.”  _

_ Diego tucked his head down against the couch and clenched his eyes. He heard a soft voice, that he wouldn't realize was not his own for many years.  _

_ “You’re alright Diego.” The voice was soft, and somewhat gruff. It reminded him of his favorite uncle, who had passed away a few months prior. “I’m right here buddy, just stay behind the couch okay? It’ll be alright soon buddy.”  _

_ He sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Okay.” He whispered.  _

_ He stiffened when he heard the screaming stop, quivering in his spot out of fear.  _

_ “Hey that’s a good thing right? That means he’s done now.” Diego nodded to himself as his father stepped around the couch and knelt in front of him.  _

Decan could remember that day clearly. He remembered comforting Diego, remembered the gruesome look of blood on knuckles. It had been there that Decan had swore to protect this boy. He had been formed during another one of their heavy fights. But this had been the last one. 

The court case that followed was a brutal one. Diego’s mother had been brought to the hospital and had been treated for her various wounds. She would never leave that hospital, dying of internal bleeding only two days later. Almost instinctively, Decan could feel the coldness of the hospital room around him. He shook it off briskly. 

_ Perhaps when this is all over, I should talk to Diego about seeing his father.  _ He stopped for a moment, fidgeting with his hair. He started walking quicker however when he noticed that the seemingly endless hallway was getting lighter. He had a feeling he’d almost found Diego. 

  
  


However Diego had gotten back here, Decan could not be sure, but he knew he needed to get him out. Eventually, after walking what felt like miles, Decan came to another door. This one was cracked open, and he could see into it. Diego was laying on the floor, half hidden behind a couch. His eyes were closed, his arms crossed against his body. 

He was a little boy again. Though Decan couldn’t imagine how Diego had never been an age slider previously, so if he was a young boy now, Decan hoped it wasn’t permanent. He raced to his side, gathering him in his arms. 

Diego’s eyes shot wide open and he struggled briefly against the hold, before realizing who it was. “Uncle Juan?” He threw his arms around Decan’s neck. 

“Uh, no, I’m sorry buddy, it’s Decan.” 

“Decan?” He nodded slightly to himself. “You're the voice.” 

“I am, yeah.” He smiled at him. “You want to get out of here? Go home?” 

“Home?” He tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. “Not here?”

“Not here.” 

“Promise?” 

“Pinky Swear it.” 

“Alright.” He began to stand up and pull away from Decan. 

“Uh, I think it might be safer to carry you buddy.” 

He didn’t want to admit it, but he had a bad feeling about what might happen if he didn’t hold on Diego. 

“Oh. Alright.” 

Diego settled against his chest with no issue, holding onto his neck. He buried his face in his shoulder and Decan began the long walk back. 

The walk was easier the second time around, maybe it was because Decan had a companion, or maybe it was simply because he was protecting Diego from the memories that were in the hall, but somehow, he was able to make it back to Diego’s childhood bedroom without issue. As they walked, he had noticed Diego getting heavier, he also noticed that he seemed to be drifting away. Maybe to sleep, or maybe to some better memories than what could be found in this hallway. 

Decan set Diego down on the bed, and was grateful to see that he had sat down a fully grown man, not the five year old body of Diego, who was in fact asleep. Decan sat beside his bed the entire time he slept, hopeful that one of the older alters had gotten the younger ones to bed.

When Diego awoke, Decan could’ve wept tears of joy at the look of recognition in his eyes. “Decan, what happened? Why am I here?” 

He leapt quickly to his feet. Pushing his hair away from his face. 

“Diego, you, you went dormant buddy. I’ve been looking for you for nearly four months.” 

“Four months?! Are my boys okay? Did they miss me?” 

“They miss you more than I can say. A new alter popped up, she’s still around if you’d like to meet her. She brought us back to Texas. We’re . . . well we’d like to go home as soon as you’re fit to front.” 

  
  


“Home.” He said the word like he was tasting it, like he was swirling it around in his mouth to find where it fit. “I want to meet her? Her, first.” 

Decan nodded, stepping out into the hallway and giving a holler. “Janus! I found him, He wants to speak with you.” 

Before he even saw her, he knew she was coming, with all her grumbling and muttering. 

She pushed past him into the room, stopping short at the sight of Diego. “So you’re back then.” 

“Yes. I suppose I am. I’ll have to thank you for caring for my body. Though Decan informs me that you’ve made some questionable decisions with where we are.” 

“Yeah well I’m not apologizing. Texas was the last home I remember, I wasn’t going to stay with purple, red and blue.” 

“I believe you mean Virgil, Roman, Logan and Patton.” Diego’s tone was friendly, but distant. 

“I s’pose I do. Well ya met me, can I go now?” 

He nodded his head, and she all but ran from the room. “Anything else Decan?” 

“Well,” He explained to him the idea he had as he was trudging through the hallway. 

Diego nodded his head slowly. “Perhaps, I’ll see about arranging that.” 

￣

Roman was hesitant to answer the door when the knock sounded. Not very many people came to visit them, and those who did normally called ahead. But when he opened the door, he let out a whoop of joy so loud that even Patton who was out back came running. Roman wasted no time throwing himself into Diego’s arms. 

“You’re home.  _ Estas en casa. _ ” He held onto him tightly, feeling Logan and Patton crowding around him as they recognized the man Roman was clinging too. “I’m so sorry. I’ll never ever ever play again as long as you promise to stay here.” 

“Diego you’re home, you’re home!” Patton was clinging to him even tighter, muttering praises in french as he cried against his arm. 

Logan stood away from the crowd, watching them. He was not one for making a scene. He stepped towards him slowly, reaching out to trail a hand against his face. “You came home.” 

He marvelled over the familiar features. “Allow me to find Virgil. Boys, why don’t you pull him inside the house, no point in leaving the door open for so long. 

They dutifully dragged him in the house, pushing him onto the couch and positioning themselves next to him. Logan came back with Virgil in tow. They situated themselves around him. And Diego didn’t need to be cued in on what he was supposed to do. Speaking carefully and slowly, giving Roman ample time to sign his words to Virgil. He explained to them what happened, the twisted place in his mind, and with the help of Decan, the real things that were going on outside. He finished up with the things he had done before leaving. 

“I got in touch with my  _ tia _ she explained to me where my father was being kept. I went to visit him. It was strange, and scary. I wanted to hurt him. I didn’t. Hurt him that is. I left him where he was, there’s nothing there for me. And I don’t intend to write to him. I decided to come home. Where there’s people that love me.” 

He smiled at all of them, his eyes holding nothing but love. “I know I hurt you guys. And I’m sorry but- - but I want to stay if you’ll have me.” 

“You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” Patton kissed his cheek firmly. 

“You came back.” Roman was still marveling over that, brushing a hand against his. 

“I would certainly like you to stay.” Logan nodded his head briskly like it was a good enough sentiment. 

“You belong here.” Virgil spoke slowly, enunciating his words like it was the most important sentence of his life.

Then, slowly, carefully, he leaned towards him and kissed him on the cheek. 

Diego felt tears come to his eyes. They still wanted him. He buried his face in Patton’s shoulder, clinging tightly to the hand near his. He nodded against Patton’s shoulder, trying to clarify that he was okay and that it was good. 

After his brief show of emotions, he was able to pull himself together. They headed into town for celebratory fast food, laughing and joking as they ate. When they arrived back home, it was late and somewhat dark. DD was playing with the toy that Patton had bought him, giggling as he waved it around. 

Just before he went to sleep that night, Diego was able to front again and kiss each of his boyfriends on the cheek. As he was snuggling in next to Patton and Roman, Logan stopped in the doorway. 

“I really am glad your home. And,” he paused to consider his words. “And I hope you do not have to leave us again.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, ever again.” he swore it solemnly. “Goodnight Lo, I love you.” 

“I love you as well.” He dipped his head slightly, before heading to his own room. 

Diego closed his eyes and snuggled in, a sensation of joy briefly warming him before sleep crept in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments or suggestions!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter. . . .

It had been almost two years since Diego came home. They had settled back into their normal routine, into the perfect slice of almost normal they all lived in. With one little change, they were- - better. Or maybe, healthier was a better word, before there had been this sort of box, where all of them stayed in their own lanes, and only interacted when they needed the comfort or the emotional support. Now, things had changed, Logan could allow others to lead him around and describe things to him without recoiling, Patton expressed his likes and dislikes as best he could, Roman could talk about how he felt, expressing when he didn’t feel right. He also called his brother a little bit more, something he had struggled with. And Diego, who had left and come back, who had shattered everything the boys thought of as home into imperfect and jagged pieces, who had set the world on fire and then extinguished it with his tears, was better. He could talk about his trauma openly, he went to his counselling sessions as directed, he expressed his feelings, when a fragmented alter fronted he was able to figure out what had caused this switch he was healthier, and better. 

The date had been circled on the calendar in every color pen they could find, blue, green, red, yellow, orange, black, everyone had circled and recircled this day. The day that Stella became officially a service dog. The day that she would finally be considered a legal companion. They had put in the work, training her to follow every command as best she could, she had learned to support Patton when needed, to show Logan where he needed to be, to calm down Virgil, to make sure Diego was in a safe and stable environment in case of a switch; she was shaping up to be both the perfect service dog and the perfect family pet. 

They had taken her into the training building and Crystal had tested her, she had passed with flying colors. Logan had put in to get her a vest because even if she didn’t legally need one, it was important to him that others knew that she was working and not to be bothered. All they were waiting for was the card to carry on them registering her as a service dog. It was supposed to come today, and in celebration, they were throwing a party. Virgil and Logan had gone into town, grabbing all of the mail from the post office and upon the finding of the letter they were hoping for, had driven home as fast as they could to triumphantly throw the thick envelope onto the table. Everyone else had reacted accordingly, hooting and hollering in congratulations, reaching down to pet Stella, and then scattering to start work on preparing for the party. 

Patton was working on a cake. One that both his boyfriends and Stella could enjoy, while Roman cooked up a meal and made special dog treats. They worked in silence together, an understanding between them that hadn’t really been there two years prior. They helped each other wordlessly, handing over items that might be needed and offering the reassurance required without much thought. 

Virgil was decorating, hanging up streamers and banners, all in the name of Stella. There was a smile on his face, clearly expressing his affection for the dog. He shot a look towards the hallway, and as if on cue, she came streaking out, soaking wet and panting. Diego and Logan followed her, holding a towel. While normally a perfectly disciplined and excellently trained dog, she was off duty right now and at home to celebrate. She trotted over to Virgil shaking out her fur, Virgil felt his jeans get soaked with water and he reached down to give her a pat on the head. His two boyfriends came to secure her, wrapping the towel around her to try and dry her off some. The called her into the living room, presumably to finish the job of getting her dried off. 

When she came back in, twenty or so minutes later, Virgil was sitting on a chair, surveying the decorations he had put up. She laid her head in his lap, now feeling dry and sleek. He pets her silky fur, smiling at her with a clear warmth in his eyes. He was soon joined by his other four boyfriends. 

“Cake should be done soon, as should dinner.” Announces Patton, allowing Roman to sign it to Virgil, because while Patton had learned to sign for the sake of easy access, he was still rather slow at it and tended to get words mixed up if they were too similar. 

Soon enough, Patton was back up and bustling into the kitchen to pull out the cake, he brought it in, without any icing on it for the sake of nothing having the potential to hurt Stella. He cut it and served up pieces to everyone, the first piece of course going to Stella. They had decided to do cake first simply because Stella couldn’t have any of dinner, but she could have the cake. Patton had made a peanut butter and honey cake, which Stella gobbled down very quickly. It was sort of sweet and warm, creating a homey flavor. 

They finished with cake, but hesitated to move on to dinner. “Should we open it now? Or wait until after dinner?” Roman fluffed up his hair. 

“After, I think it should be special.” There was no room for argument in Logan’s voice. 

So, they moved on to dinner, the ratatouille a delightful treat thanks to the help of Patton. It was a good soup, the vegetables standing out in the fresh, clean way they always did. They finished up quickly, and then sat around the table, in that ‘waiting for something to happen’ way. They settled there, until Diego reached into the center of the table and picked up the envelope. He flipped a knife out of his pocket and cut it open. 

Laying out all of the things in the center of the table, they whooped and hollered in cheers. Virgil did the sign for clapping, while Logan ran his hands over the document, his fingers running over the imprints of the text as he smiled the biggest smile any of them had seen and cheered along with it. 

They held the document out to Stella, allowing her to check it, she sniffs it, and then wags her tail. He set it back on the table and pulled out the identification cards. He handed it around, everyone oohing and ahhing at the card. It was similar to a driver’s license, but instead it held information confirming Stella’s registration as a service dog. As soon as everyone had expressed their admiration for that, and he had shown it to Stella, he pulled out a set of patches for her vest, signifying that she was in fact a service dog. Patton took management of those, promising to attach them to her vest. The next and final thing that Diego pulled out was an identification card holder that you could clip to her collar or harness. He slipped the card into the holder, and got up to clip it to the harness, so that next time she went out she would have it. Logan slipped the other card into his wallet. 

After the festivities had wound down, Roman and Patton had gone to their room, and Logan and Virgil were sitting together on the couch, Stella laying at their feet, Diego went over to the computer. He wiped dust off of the keyboard, which hadn’t been touched in months, and reached out to turn on the screen. It booted up with the same, just slow enough to be frustrating speed he remembered. He held his breath. Turning on the computer felt like opening up an old wound, but maybe this time, it wouldn’t hurt, but rather, would help. He pushed past notifications of mail and updates, opening up Word. 

The cursor lingered over documents he hadn’t opened in years, ones of too many whiskey shots and words typed so fast they barely made sense, of trying too hard to be funny and hating that none of the jokes really were, of lines of dialogue that could’ve fit into something if he had worked towards it, of littles writing out hopes and dreams and fragments reliving trauma in rushed phrases and misspelled warnings. Then he jerked sharply past it all, pulling up to create a new document. His fingers rested on the keyboard for a long time, as a million possibilities swam before his eyes. 

He could feel his breathing speed up, he was overwhelmed with all of the webs he could spin and all of the stories he could create. Maybe I’m not ready, maybe I should wait until I know what I want, I don’t know what I want, I can’t write, maybe I’ve lost the spark. He pressed down on the keys, and the blooming of black text against white document, the sudden change in appearance allowed him to pull out of his stupor. 

Write what you know. The voice of his therapist rang in his head, her soft but gentle tone reminding him of what he could do when he felt overwhelmed. Write what you feel, and what you know, put it all out there so that you can make sense of it all. 

“But what do I know?” he asked himself out loud, retracting his hands from the keys. _I know, my boyfriends. And how they feel, or I think I do, I know them well enough to know how to write them, or write a version of them anyway. Maybe not tell the truth, but a version of it? An idea of it._ He pushed his hair out of his way, putting his hands back on the keyboard. 

He backspaced, deleting the gibberish for a moment, then sitting stoically, his shoulders rolled backwards, his back as straight as he could comfortably hold it, he started to write, the words coming in halting, stumbling gaits, filling the page perhaps clumsily, until he had the beginnings of a story, a paragraph that started somewhere. He saved the document, standing up with a singular movement. A paragraph was enough writing for a day, he rolled his shoulders. The cursor blinking at the end of the paragraph. 

_ Patton woke up to the smell of something good cooking, in his grogginess it took him a moment to connect the dots, but once he did; he pulled a face. His boyfriend, Roman, was cooking breakfast. It smelled like bacon, and even though the smell was pretty nice, he didn’t like the texture, so he wrinkled his nose, shifting into a sitting position. The movement awoke Diego, one of Patton’s other boyfriends, who sat up and pouted at him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this is the end lads, leave me your parting thoughts in the comments


	28. The final A/N

I'm staring at this story and trying to think of what I can say that'll make this hurt less. I've thought of what I want to say for three days and haven't come up with anything. I know I don't want to leave this story behind. I know I don't want to start a brand new au and just move on. 

8 months. 8 MONTHS. That's how long this story existed, the time it consumed, the place in my heart it took up. This story has more to it than anything else I've ever written. I'm going to publish this author's note, change the story settings to complete and hopefully move on. 

I want to thank all of you guys for reading and commenting and existing. Whether you picked this up two days ago or if you've been here with me for the whole thing, thank you for existing.❤️❤️❤️

I hope to see you around some more, maybe on my other stories or in writing of your own, may our paths cross and a spark of that old familiarity come with it. 

Thanks for joining me on this adventure, now it's time we branch off, and remember Diego, Logan, Patton, Roman and Virgil will always be right here for you when you need them.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions!


End file.
